Ordinary Time

On Friday, all hope died it seemed. A man some saw as a fulfillment to the promise of a savior was brutally murdered by the religious rulers aided by a brutal government for being a rebel and a threat to the status quo. Because he loved with abandon and everyone regardless of status or gender or worthiness.  On Saturday his followers hid because they were afraid for their lives, and what else do you do when all your hope is killed?  But God. Evil cannot overcome good. It can flourish for a bit, but that isn't the end of the story. Jesus couldn't be contained by death and that changes everything. His first words to Mary were, "Do not be afraid." He tells us to not be afraid. Keep loving others with abandon. Loving them, feeding them, caring for them, insisting on justice for them.  Take your mustard seed of hope and do what you can. Evil will not win. Do not be afraid. There is hope.

  "In his master's steps he tried Where the snow lay dinted. Heat was in the very soft, Which the saint had printed. Therefore Christians all be sure,  Wealth or rank possessing. Ye who will shall bless the poor, Shall yourselves find blessing." This is the last verse of the carol, Good King Wenceslas, which is one of our family's favorites. It tells a story which is always a plus. If you aren't familiar with it, look it up. Really, this is just a holiday reminder that Christmas is political. It is the story of the turning upside down of power from the rich and powerful to the masses who live underneath them and have no power. It reminds us that the most powerful thing we can do is care for and love others regardless of the status they do or don't have. 

On Monday, I drove to Skokie to have brunch with some of my very best friends, the H-S Family mom, the P. family mom, and the W. family mom. It is not often we get to be all together, so it was definitely worth the drive. (For those newer to the blog, these are the families we did life with for years , and they feature prominently in the blog for many years.) As is the case with good friends, we tend to just pick-up wherever we left off, so conversation flows easily. As I was chatting with the W. family mom, we talked briefly about our respective deconstruction/reconstruction faith journeys. She shared with me a podcast that she had been enjoying.  We share very similar reading tastes, so I pay close attention to her recommendations. For the past couple of mornings I have been listening to it while I clean the barn. It was just what I needed. I found it thoughtful, encouraging, and hopeful, things which currently seem in very short supply right now. It also helped to move me a litt...

First, before I get into the content the title suggests, I feel I need to address something. I know life is challenging right now. There is very little good news out there, tempers are hair trigger, and people are afraid. Well, many of us are feeling fearful. I know one way many people are coping is to become an ostrich. If you don't listen to or read any news, it's harder to be upset by it. I get it; I am certainly limiting my exposure to news and social media. But ignoring a problem because it makes you upset or uncomfortable doesn't make it go away. In fact, the problem will grow bigger the more people who do so. (And this is true for anything in life, not just the political situation.) But if you are able to completely screen out any upsetting news, then I'm afraid I have to tell you that your privilege is showing. It means you haven't had to have conversations with your children about which states they need to avoid or check with them that they are carrying pro...

I just finished reading The Religion of Whiteness: How Racism Distorts Christian Faith by Michael O. Emerson and Glenn E. Bracey II. It's a short book, but still, I finished it in less than 24 hours because I found it so compelling. I also cannot begin to do justice to the authors' arguments in a blog post because there is just so much research, both quantitative and qualitative, to back up their conclusions. There is a lot packed into this book. I don't think it is an understatement to say that the year 2020 was tough. The juxtaposition of Covid, the brutal murders of Breonna Taylor and George Floyd, the Black Lives Matter Protests, the perpetual spiral of the current president combined together to create national trauma. But I need to take that back a bit, because my experience was that some parts of the Christian church didn't seem affected at all. In fact, life just seemed to go on with only a slight hiccup. For myself (and actually more than a few people I know), t...

I listen to a lot of Christmas music in December. It's pretty constant in fact. Often it's just the accompaniment to whatever I'm doing and I don't pay much attention. But I was doing a lot of ironing last week which is hardly intellectually taxing, so I was paying a bit more attention to lyrics. Not a huge amount, because I can't tell you the songs, but enough for something to catch my attention.  There were at least a couple of different songs where it was mentioned about how meek and mild Mary was. Enough that it started to irritate me because it's not actually something that seems to fit with what I see in the Gospels. In fact what little we do read about Mary, it seems as if she was anything but meek and mild. I did a quick check to make sure I wasn't missing something, in fact. And yes, quick is the right word, because there isn't a lot about her at all. There's really nothing about Mary in either Matthew (definitely a Joseph-centric telling of...

I have just finished binge reading A Well-Trained Wife: My Escape from Christian Patriarchy by Tia Levings. I'm not sure this was the optimal week to read it, but it was sure enlightening read along the way. I've had enough contact with conservative Christian patriarchy over the years and known enough women trapped in it to not be very much surprised at what the author has written. I have long suspected that more than a few Christian wives that I know are abused despite their smiling, happy exteriors. I have also always suspected that abuse of this sort and the dysfunctional attachment it engenders predisposes an entire population to the same type of gas lighting and abuse we see from the radical right. They are one and the same.  If you want insight into why we are where we are right now and see a picture of what men in these belief systems actually think about women, read this book. Knowledge is power. And to any woman who is caught in such a marriage reading here, I have a f...

This is a very different post than the one you would have been reading yesterday if I hadn't... wisely... decided I needed some space. I spend a lot of time in my EAL work teaching self-regulation skills as well as conflict resolution skills. It seems I needed to take a bit of my own advice.  Step number one in conflict resolution is to make sure your thinking brain is firmly on your head. My thinking brain was not very often on my head yesterday, and instead the emotional part of my brain was in full control. It wasn't pretty. Today there has been a bit more actual thinking. I am still angry and sad and scared, but those emotions are not driving my thoughts quite so much. I'll admit it has been a challenge to not let my overactive imagination begin spinning out of control, though. There has been a heck of a lot of focused breathing throughout the day as well.  Step number two is to share how you feel using 'I' statements. And this is where I'll land tonight. I ...

Oh, don't worry, I'm still sewing, but while I was sewing I watched several episodes of Shiny, Happy People. It has been on my list for a while, but knowing the content I wasn't rushing to watch it. When I needed something to occupy my brain while I was putting bias tape on what felt as though miles of raw edges, I decided this was the perfect opportunity. For those who don't know it is a documentary of sorts looking at Bill Gothard's IBLP cult (and yes, I am using that term in its precise sense) in general and the Duggar family specifically. It was not pleasant to watch.  I'll admit to watching the first couple of Duggar family specials and enjoying them. I think we just had five children at that time and had not started the process to adopt TM. Society was constantly telling us five was a lot, so it was fascinating to watch a family with three times that many. I felt about it the way I felt about watching the show about the DeBolts when I was a child. Having d...

J. took nearly everyone on a fishing outing to a local state park today. I didn't go as I had clients to see and a presentation on EAL to give. K. didn't go because he had to work, but D. got to join in because didn't have work.  And now, as I share pictures of their outing, I have a few thoughts to share. I'm sure you are as tired as I am about the opening ceremonies brouhaha, but if I don't write something, I'll continue to create blog posts in my head which doesn't sound restful. Humor me, here. Thought #1: The Olympics are being held in France. France is most definitely not the US. I thought they did a great job of celebrating French history and culture with some interesting nods to areas that are challenging. (The dozens of Marie Antoinettes come to mind ) But not surprisingly, the show was very French. This is the country that gave us La Cage aux Folles in the '70's. I'm not sure why anyone was surprised. Could I also gently suggest that th...

Today we hosted our church's youth group's end of the year party. We had lovely weather and everyone enjoyed playing together outside, visiting the horses, playing on all the toys, and making s'mores. As you know, some of my children have had less than stellar experiences at other youth groups, so when my child who is least inclined to socialize announced afterwards that it was a lot of fun, it makes me happy. When they add, "We have a great youth group!" it makes me even happier. It is an exceedingly nice group of teens and adult leaders.  G. decided that Vienna needed to be dressed up for the occasion, so headed out to the barn to detangle her mane and added braids. And some flowers. 

There was a brief moment of sun this afternoon, so I was able to read outside for a bit. Here was my view. It also meant I was able to finish Terror, Love & Brainwashing by Alexandra Stein. (A little light reading for a weekend away.)  What drew me to this book was the juxtaposition of attachment theory and totalist groups or belief systems.  Attachment theory is really a descriptive way to describe how people interact with each other and relate to the world. Usually attachment styles are determined in early childhood by relationships with intimate caregivers.  In a way, the book was not what I was expecting. I thought it was going to be a discussion of which attachment styles are most likely to be susceptible to cults or totalist thinking. It turned out to be far more complicated and interesting that that simple premise. The short version is that any person with any attachment style can be drawn into totalist groups, even those with healthy attachments. What type aut...

Today was the first Sunday of Advent. I finally got the rest of the Thanksgiving things put away and Y. helped me dig out our Advent wreath.  Following dinner we always head over to the piano and sing Christmas carols together. Over the years, these times of singing together are some of my dearest memories.  The first candle of Advent is the candle of hope. If ever a world needed hope, it is now. So to my fellow Christians, be the reason someone feels hope this week. Do not succumb to fear. Be kind. Love people's socks off. Small acts really can make a difference. 

(Do I add the warning up front that I guarantee I will deeply offend someone or do I just let it catch them by surprise... ? I guess you can consider yourself warned.) Sometimes I feel as though that would be me and my family. And why? Because we have trans children and we are Christian (though I'm sure some would say that we say we are Christian.) Here we go... this post has been brewing for some time.  Every parent wants to do a good job raising their children. Especially with the first, there are so many unknowns, things you don't know, fears you have over being intrusted with this little tiny baby who you suddenly love more than life itself. You want to do the right things. This is often especially true when it comes to matters of faith. The consequences of getting it wrong can be eternal depending on the voices you are listening to. This can be a heavy and frightening burden.  So you read a lot, you listen to older parents, you listen to pastors and teachers, and you do ...

... for an auto-da-fé.  If you are familiar with Leonard Bernstein's music for Candide, then you now have an ear worm in your head. You can join me. As I have mentioned before, our teatime chapter book deals with the Spanish Inquisition and the horrific practice of auto-da-fé. [Am I the only one who cannot read the words 'Spanish Inquisition' without suddenly having Monty Python pop into my head?] Then in the literature class I'm teaching, we are doing Candide by Voltaire this week. So that explains a bit about the soundtrack in my head. But there is another piece to the puzzle that was highlighted tonight. The Spanish Inquisition was so convinced that they had the one right way of having faith, were so afraid of those who were different, and given such large amounts of power that it lead to unspeakable atrocities. No one learns from history, do they? Whenever a group has decided that they have all the right answers that must be imposed upon others, bad things happen. P...

I wasn't going to join the bandwagon of writing theological posts about Barbie, but yet, here I am. Blame the guest preacher we had at church this morning. J. was the recipient of a lot of scrawled notes from me, the first one began, "If I were preaching on this text, I'd... " Well, it's one of the perks of having a blog, isn't it?  As you might have surmised, one of the texts for the morning was the story of Mary and Martha, where Martha is doing all the work and Mary is hanging out with Jesus. When Martha complains about her sister's indolence, Jesus tells her that Mary has made the better choice. I've written more than a couple of blog posts on the story, because it is one I wrestle with. I also sort of thought that if I were choosing this passage to preach on, I would pair it with Proverbs 31, about the dutiful wife, another passage I've written about at length here and also one that I perpetually wrestle with. Why not just tackle both difficul...

You know, sometimes there are things that I desperately want to write about, but because they feel so scary and hit so close to home, that I have absolutely no words to share. This is currently how I feel about anything having to do with the state of the nation about the LGBTQ+ community and specifically the trans community.  What I will say is that this is hard, and frankly terrifying.  How would you feel to know that a great number of people think your child shouldn't be allowed to have basic rights? How would you feel to know that a great number of people believe that your child is a danger to others?  How would you feel to have an increasing amount of hate directed at you and your child?  No, really, stop and think what that would be like. Do you enjoy the feeling? I imagine you don't, because who would?  Yet, there are a great many people out there, most frighteningly law makers who are playing God, who think it is just fine to demonize a whole people group...

As I was talking with my good friends right now, it seems nearly everyone is struggling with questions of faith for one reason or another. I was sharing how helpful it had been for me to start seeing a spiritual director and the subsequent reading list that I read my way through. (Because a good reading list is the cure all for everything, right?) They were interested in what I had read, so I thought perhaps my broader audience might be as well. These are in the order I finished them. I found them all valuable and gave me much to ponder. Did I agree with everything everyone wrote? No, of course not. There would be no point in reading books that didn't cause me to do a bit of wrestling, and the wrestling was the point.  So, the list, so far. -Holy Envy: Finding God in the Faith of Others - Barbara Brown Taylor -The Sin of Certainty: Why God Desires our Trust More Than Our "Correct" Beliefs - Peter Enns -The Bible Tells Me So: Why Defending Scripture Has Made Us Unable to R...

I'm sure you are wondering what to expect with a title like, aren't you? I apologize if it raised anyone's blood pressure a notch, but I couldn't help myself mainly because I have seen similar titles to genuine articles come across my news feed. Articles that are genuinely meant to be helpful and the information in them given as a way to help struggling families. At least that this their intent. I think. I'll be the first in line to admit that years ago, I would have been first in line for content like this. We had what I thought was a good thing going, me and my five little stair steps, and I wanted to be sure we all continued along the correct path. The path that Christian writers assured me would mean that my children would follow the straight and narrow path (as defined by these Christian writers and advice givers) and would assure them (and me) of a life that was acceptable to God and by extension God's people. There were lists and to-do lists and I ate it ...

As I continue with my recovering conservative reading list, I have been working my way through Rachel Held Evans' books. I find her ability to give voice to what has been going round in my head to be both comforting and informative. I recommend her writings if you are not familiar with them.  Today's post isn't so much on that topic, though it comes from one of her books. Instead it is about a different way to read Proverbs 31. Now, if you have read here for any length of time, you know I wrestle with this section of the Bible a lot. This is why I find this passage from A Year of Biblical Womanhood by Rachel Held Evans to be... freeing. This is a little long, but I think it is well worth your time. "After a few emails back and forth, I asked Ahava [a Jewish woman in Israel with whom Ms. Evans is corresponding] if Jewish women struggle as much as Christian women to live up to the Proverbs 31 ideal. For the first time in our correspondence, Ahava seemed a bit perplexed: ...