Ordinary Time

"Children are designed, by nature, to play and explore on their own, independently of adults. They need freedom in order to develop; without it they suffer. The drive to play freely is a basic, biological drive. Lack of free play may not kill the physical body, as would lack of food, air, or water, but it kills the spirit and stunts mental growth. Free play is the means by which children learn to make friends, overcome their fears, solve their own problems, and general take control of their own lives. It is also the primary means by which children practice and acquire the physical and intellectual skills that are essential for success in the culture in which they are growing. Nothing that we do, no amount of toys we buy or 'quality time' or special training we give our children, can compensate for the freedom we take away. The things children learn through their own initiatives, in free play, cannot be taught in other ways." - Free to Learn: Why Unleashing the Instinc...

A couple of months ago, I came across an advertisement for a virtual course taught by Dr. Daniel Seigel. He is definitely one of my favorite brain and connected parenting authors. (If you look at either my trauma reading list or my brain science reading list, you will see his name frequently.) This was a course called A Comprehensive Course on Interpersonal Neurobiology . If that doesn't have my name written all over it, I don't know what does. So I looked at the checkbook and figured out how to make it work.  Every week for six weeks, there are six hours of lectures to listen to followed by an exam. If blogging seems a little lighter than usual over the next few weeks, it's because my brain is full and I need time to digest what I've heard.  The thing I'm really enjoying about it is the level of the content. While there are some instances of reviewing things, such as the functions of each part of the brain, he reviews fairly quickly and moves on to new content. So...

Last week I spent time listening to some of a Global Resilience Summit. I signed up because it has some of my favorite brain people on the list... Daniel Seigel, Bessel van der Kolk, Stephen Porges, etc. How could I pass it up, especially since it was free? There wasn't a whole lot new or surprising in it, but it was done in interview form so it was interesting to here the panelists having a conversation rather than just presenting material. Each of them wound up with the same conclusion. In order to become resilient, it takes a combination of physical safety and connection with others. Without these two main scaffolds in place, emotional health cannot be replaced. If you've read here for any length of time, these ideas are not new to you. There was something that caught my attention. I believe it was Stephen Porges (who wrote The Polyvagel Theory) whom I was listening to at the time. The interviewer was asking about how to support children in returning back to school after a c...

When a reader asks for the list of brain books I have read, how can I say no? This is not a complete list because I only started to keep a list of what I read in 2016. It was at that point I grew tired of forgetting titles or rereading a book because I had forgotten I had read it. I have added some pre-2016 books on at the end that I know I have read, but I started reading on this topic around 2012, so that's four years' worth of books that I don't have titles for. This is a long list. If I remember a book and found it particularly interesting, I'll put an '*' next to it. If a book needs some sort of comment, I'll add that. It was also difficult to look at my list and decide what kind of book it was. You'll notice that there are books that venture a bit outside of the strict 'brain' category, but I think still fit. 1. The Body Knows its Mind: The Surprising Power of the Physical Environment to Influence How You Think and Feel - Sian Beilock * 2. ...

I got home from the airport at 1am last night and by 10am I was up, had turned out horses, done stalls, and was in the saddle for my horse class. After a horse class and teaching a riding lesson, I ate some lunch then sat down on the couch to read a book for a bit because I was tired. I was so tired that I fell sound asleep for three hours. THREE. I don't usually nap and when I do it's usually under an hour. Three hour naps are extremely rare. I guess I was a little tired. My mom is recovering well, though knee surgery is tough and not terribly enjoyable. I'm glad I could go out for a bit to help. She has a friend staying with her currently and then my sister-in-law will be heading out. I did a lot of reading while as I was there as we weren't exactly running around doing things. I finished a mystery, am partway through another mystery, and made a good dent in the three non-fiction books I took along. (Yes, I packed five books for a four day trip. One hates to run the r...

I know you're thinking, "She's always nattering on about play. Surely there isn't anything left to say at this point." Well, it turns out this is a little bit more to say. But before I do, let's talk about math. Specifically let's talk about math and how challenging it has proven to be for K. He can do it, but each new concept is an uphill climb to conquer. I know there is a math brain in there somewhere... his visual spacial ability is uncanny... but finding it has proved challenging to all of us. Until last week, that is. As I've mentioned, G., L., and K. are working through the Key to Learning Fractions books. Doing fractions takes a lot of multiplication and division because of creating like fractions and reducing to simplest terms. Multiplication and division have been among K.'s challenges. Suddenly, it has been like a switch has flipped. He has been the first one done, his work is done correctly, and he has been happy doing it. Then on Thurs...

Ten thousand words later, I have all of my case studies written up and turned in. After all that writing, there was nothing left for the blog yesterday. That doesn't mean I haven't been thinking about things, though.  In particular, I have been thinking about R. and her development. When she first came home five and a half years ago, her behavior was totally disorganized. We couldn't tell what was causing any of her behaviors and she couldn't tell us. She spent most of her time either disassociated or in a total reactionary state. There were times of pleasant engagement with her world, but they were fleeting. Everything seemed to be a trigger. When there is no cause and effect, it is extremely difficult to figure out what mitigation is needed.  Over time, as she eventually began to feel safe and to trust us, her behavior began to organize slightly. There were the beginnings of some rhyme or reason why she acted as she did, but often they were just glimmerings. It defini...

Last week, when I felt as though I had barely time to turn around, somehow I found myself cleaning out the toy closet in the loft. It was definitely one of those "If you give a mouse a cookie" moments. K. mentioned that he really wanted to get out the fall books, since we hadn't changed the picture books in a while. This caused to me to actually look inside the toy closet where the books are stored as well as toys. (Well, this would have happened regardless because I needed to collect some toy horse stable items for my Mom and Tot horse class the next day. K. just got me there a little sooner than I had planned.) There are some moments that you look at a drawer or room or closet and realize that you cannot do another thing until you deal with the disaster before you. This was one of those times. We emptied out the closet, did a little rearranging, got rid of toys that no one plays with anymore, and put it all back to rights so that the items inside could actually be acces...

A reader wrote and asked me for a book lists dealing with brain plasticity and play. Since I like nothing better than to make lists of books, I thought I would share it so you all could see it. Plus, while I haven't felt horrible today after my second Covid vaccine, I also haven't felt quite myself. I can't get warm and have much less energy than I normally do. It was kind of nice to fall asleep in the sun this afternoon, though. Anyway, all that to say this is the perfect post for the evening. On to the book lists. Like all my book lists, this is hardly definitive and is much more a reflection on my own idiosyncratic reading style. If you use the bibliographies, you will end up with more than enough reading material. Note that I have linked each title to Amazon through my Amazon Associates account (and thank you to those who do purchase through these links, the small amount of money I make allows me to buy more books). I have also linked to any previous blog posts I have w...

I'm just about finished reading Integrative Parenting: Strategies for Raising Children Affected by Attachment Trauma by Debra Wesselmann, Cathy Schweitzer, and Stefanie Armstrong. It had been sitting on my pile of books for quite some times, and I decided, what with the past week and all, that perhaps this would be a good time to pick it up and read it. (About that... I don't remember where this book came from, but I'm 100% sure that I didn't purchase it. This means that someone gave it to me or loaned it to me. Please, if you did, let me know! And if you loaned it to me, I'm sorry I've been holding it hostage for such a long time. I can return it now.) This is a very good book. I've read (and lived) so much of this, that it was basically a review for me, but I was impressed with how well done the book is. If you are new to the idea of connected parenting or if you are parenting a child from a hard place and feel at the end of your rope, I strongly encourag...

My accomplishment for the past two days has been to create and assemble R.'s new activity boxes for the year. They aren't actually completely finished, as I ran out of laminating sheets (the horror!), and need to order more, as I still have a bit more laminating to do. When I posted this picture of my dollar store finds, there was a huge amount of interest in what I was going to do with it all. Since this pile has turned into neat and orderly boxes, I thought I would share what I did and how I intend to use them. Right of the bat, don't expect stellar pictures. These will probably be worse than usual, as I'm doing this pretty quickly so as to get to the next item on my to do list. So, if something is blurry or you need clarification, ask. Also, I will link to where I originally saw the idea if it is not original. Here we go... 1. Doll play What? This is a box which I came up with just because I saw these little doll sets at the store. I knew I want...

This is what the play loft has looked like for the past few days. The mailboxes are in case any mail comes for them while they are camping. It really does take up much of the loft. It's hard to tell, but this is a giant fort (or tent... they go back and forth in what they call it), that the younger half built. It is quite extensive on the inside. G. offered to take my phone and take pictures, thus saving me from crawling around inside it. I think this has some purpose, but I don't know what. The pictures are mainly of the various sleeping areas they created. Having done this, they then asked if they could all sleep in it night before last. We said yes, and they happily snuggled down. This was not the first time they had snuggled down in their beds, though. Most of yesterday and the day before consisted of living in their tent. They would wake up, fix food over their block campfire, sing Home on the Range accompanied by L. on the her toy gu...