Mary, Martha, and Barbie

I wasn't going to join the bandwagon of writing theological posts about Barbie, but yet, here I am. Blame the guest preacher we had at church this morning. J. was the recipient of a lot of scrawled notes from me, the first one began, "If I were preaching on this text, I'd... " Well, it's one of the perks of having a blog, isn't it? 

As you might have surmised, one of the texts for the morning was the story of Mary and Martha, where Martha is doing all the work and Mary is hanging out with Jesus. When Martha complains about her sister's indolence, Jesus tells her that Mary has made the better choice. I've written more than a couple of blog posts on the story, because it is one I wrestle with. I also sort of thought that if I were choosing this passage to preach on, I would pair it with Proverbs 31, about the dutiful wife, another passage I've written about at length here and also one that I perpetually wrestle with. Why not just tackle both difficult stories at once, I thought. 

And then here is where Barbie comes in. Figuratively, at least, and not really Barbie but the character played by America Ferrera and her monologue that I'm sure you've read by now even if you haven't seen the movie. (If you haven't seen the movie or read the monologue, click the link and read it. Yes, even if you think that theologically you just can't "do" the Barbie movie. You won't lose your salvation if you do, I promise.) The gist of the monologue is that women can't win, even among ourselves. Woman are expected to be a whole host of things, but not be them all at the same time. We are constantly caught between competing expectations of both ourselves and of others. The reason this monologue is everywhere is because it hits a nerve. 

So with this fresh in my mind from seeing the movie on Friday, as I thought about the juxtaposition of the two passages I struggle with, it hit me. I suddenly understood at least one reason why these are challenging. When these passages are read together AND if they are read with the same lens (which I was doing), you land right smack in the middle of America Ferrera's monologue. There is this enormous list of things that make a good woman from Proverbs 31 (an utterly impossible list, by the way) and then, while Martha is doing her darnedest to do all those Proverbs 31 things FOR Jesus, Jesus tells her she is not doing enough of the right things. Martha, and by extension the rest of us, can't win. 

[Sorry, I need to digress here for just a moment and suggest if you are male and are going to preach, that perhaps not preaching on either of these passages would probably be wise. If you do, I'm afraid that it will just come across as, "Oh, you poor frazzled women. You make it so hard on yourselves. Let me tell you how to do things better." You might not say these words, but good golly, this is what I, at least, hear. I don't need your help thank you very much. I'm rather adept at theological discussion and debate. And I can do twelve loads of laundry every week at the same time...   I suppose I should have added a snark warning for that digression.]

But what if we are reading the passage with the wrong lens? What if Jesus was taking this chance to turn things on their heads as he had done so often with so many other closely held beliefs. What if, with this interaction, Jesus was more clearly defining what makes a good woman? What if it's not that we have been given an unattainable list (which is definitely how Proverbs 31 comes across, though in full disclosure is not how it has been interpreted in Jewish thought.), but instead, we are given a picture of who we are to be? Jesus tells everyone in the room that to be with him, to follow his teachings (which are pretty revolutionary, what with the whole loving the poor and downtrodden and immigrant) is what is appropriate for everyone. Appropriate not just for the disciples, but appropriate for women, too. It was not Martha and Mary's highest calling to serve, but to sit and be with Jesus. 

Now, feeding and caring and planning and providing shelter and clothing and... are good things. We need these things to live a functional life. But while in Proverbs 31, the man in the story is sitting in the city gates, Jesus makes room for the women who follow him to be able to sit next to him. This is revolutionary enough in and of itself, but if these women are sitting with Jesus and this sitting has been called good, then who is going to feed everyone? It seems pretty clear (to me at least) that everyone who is sitting should also work together to prepare for the eating. Because I can tell you, no matter how much one wishes it would happen, food doesn't prepare itself. If the expectation is that everyone is supposed to sit, then everyone must have to have a hand in preparation and not expect that someone else will serve you. 

And if we are all sitting with Jesus, paying attention to what he is teaching, then we are all spending a lot of time caring for those whom society has determined to be less than. For clarity's sake, that would be the people you don't like, the people you don't agree with, the people who don't look like you or think like you or pray like you. The revolution doesn't stop with affirming the worth of women to be equal to men, but it continues with all human beings, regardless of how much others would want to make you fear them. 

Jesus doesn't give us a to-do list, even though I have seen plenty of 'good Christian women' share their longer-than-Proverbs 31 lists of how to be a 'good Christian woman'. Jesus gives us instructions about how to be. We are beings after all, not doings. When we come across another person Jesus asks us to be with them. Sometimes that being will uncover a need which we can meet. other times it is acknowledging their humanity and fully seeing them as a beloved child of God. It's both a simpler way of looking at things, but also more difficult because we cannot insulate ourselves with thinking we've checked our boxes and that is the extent of what we're called to do. And if you are too busy doing to pay attention with how you are being, then maybe you need to be like Mary and sit.