Ordinary Time

I am so, so sorry to report that Gretel didn't make it through the night. It was a very difficult way for some of our children to wake up. I'm so tired of grief. I'm so tired of watching my children's hearts being ripped out of their chests. I'm so tired of losing very young pets. I'm so tired of not having any emotional energy to take care of the basics of life. I'm just so tired. These are pictures that TM took yesterday after he was able to put his heart back inside his chest. We will miss Gretel greatly. She was a good dog.

A.'s surgery went well and she is doing fine. She is currently home to sleep tonight, making use of the Polartech 3000 (or something like that). That would be the ice machine for reducing swelling which we purchased for M's first knee surgery and never dreamed would be using for family knee surgery #3. A. kept telling us that she would be going to class tomorrow and we humored her, but based on how she is doing right now, she may be right. So that's the good news. The bad news is that Gretel is not doing well. That would be not doing well as in we really don't expect her to make it through the night. We've been in contact with the vet and since she doesn't seem to be in discomfort and is pretty constantly surrounded by her family who is doting on her, we are just taking care of her right now. It's hard. It's also hard to sit with your children as they grieve what is to come. We'll just add both these events to the column, "Things that don...

And by best, what I mean is worst. My worst, least-favorite part of the whole complicated process. Is it the paperwork? No, though that is pretty stinky. Is it writing big, huge checks? No, though that's not terribly fun, either. Jet lag? Missing my children? Grief? No, no, and no. None of this is enjoyable or fun or something to be anticipated. You want to know what it is? Yes, it is the testing of bodily substances one does not really like to deal with. It's bad enough for yourself or for a child who trusts you and shares a common language. A child who is not entirely sure about your reliability or sanity and who doesn't share your language? Torture. For everyone. Because really, how does one go about using gestures and limited vocabulary to explain what is needed? From past experience, the expressions on the child's face pretty much say, "You want me to do what where? And why? That clinches it, you are insane... how do I get out of here?" I'm jus...

J. and I are still pretty much down for the count as far as our sleep schedules are concerned. We can't stay awake at night, we can't stay asleep in the morning, and are just tired during the time in between. I have never felt so old! The children who traveled with us all seem to be regulated with the new time zone, but I'm tired. And I'm tired of being tired! Feeling constantly fatigued is also not terribly helpful during the early transition phase of bringing a new child home, though the two always seem to go hand in hand. The weekend went pretty well, though J. and I spent it trying to ward off an impending sense of severe claustrophobia. The claustrophobia wasn't because of tight spaces such as airline seats, or cabin fever due to bad weather (it was actually quite beautiful), but from the sheer need of many children to be near us all the time. First, you have the obvious need of the two new girls whose lives have been turned upside down. We are the only sec...

There's always that point in adding new children to your family where life hits its nadir. (At least I hope we're at the nadir.) It doesn't matter if it's a new biologically related baby or older, adopted children, there comes a point when life just seems to spiral out of control and everyone is more than a little unsettled. I always find the third week postpartum to be that point when I've brought home a baby. Everyone is sleep deprived, the baby hasn't settled and has to a ways to go before settling happens, and those hormones are still doing cha-cha all over my body. With older, adopted children, the three week mark still pretty much stands, which for a China adoption timeline, puts you at about one week home. This is the point at which everyone really begins to understand that this is permanent. The existing siblings also have lived with the new brothers or sisters for about a week and the shine has worn off more than a little bit. The excitement of the new ...

Other than the jet lag, the downside of coming home is scheduling doctor's appointments, which is what took up most of the morning and involved both me and J. Among our accomplishments... Scheduling basic physicals with the pediatrician, which involved creating two new charts and having the familiar discussion of why I need an interpreter present when my English is so good. Beginning the search for a new neurologist who a) has experience with linear nevus sebaceous syndrome and b) whom I can work with. (The translation of that is, a doctor who will actually listen to me and not discount my not-so-crackpot ideas.) Starting to schedule the next round of treatment for K. and his clefting Taking A. to the orthopedic surgeon and scheduling arthroscopic surgery to fix the torn cartilage in her knee. Next week will be a lot of fun.  And as not-interesting as all of this is, trust me when I say, it makes far better reading than a blow-by-blow account of the terrible, horrible...

We successfully navigated the library for the first time yesterday. This was no small feat and our travelling circus now seems to draw even more attention. Probably this is due in no small part to the fact that we have added one child who likes to shout, "I love you!" at random strangers and another who uses a walker. (An aside... the walker we are borrowing from a friend has been great. Y. obviously knew what it was and while she doesn't want to use it in the house, she used it without a complaint for a trip out. It gives just the right amount of stability so that she can be pretty independent. And even with our very short trip with it, I am hyper-aware of people's reactions. I'm sure this will turn into a blog post at some point.) Of course, there were also the nine children I had in tow which was probably a factor as well, though most of the staff at the library are used to us. To their credit, not one of them batted an eye that I had a couple extra this time. ...