A brief sermon about food

Tonight for dinner we had kimchi-bokkeumbap or kimchi fried rice. It's a Korean dish, which you probably figured by the kimchi in the title. Everyone loved it, even those who don't normally appreciate spicy food. (I did use sweet Korean BBQ sauce instead of hot to help cut the spiciness of the kimchi.) None of the family is Korean, but recently we have been really enjoying making Korean food starting with bibimbap on TM's birthday. We all enjoy trying new recipes and food from different countries. It's all part of the adventure of dinner. I also think it helps children develop a sense of adventurous eating and palates that appreciate different foods. 

In our refrigerator and pantry we have sauces and condiments and spices and foods from a wide swath of the world... fish sauce, oyster sauce, dried chilies, mole sauce, tahini paste, falafel mix, curry paste, lemongrass, Chinese five spice, garam masala... to name a few. I realize we are unusual in both the amount of cooking we do and the diversity of the food we prepare. But if we have to feed everyone every single day, it helps to keep things interesting.

But here is where I'm really going with all of this. I have recently read more than a few essays by adults of Asian descent that share a common theme... that of opening their lunch at school and the children around them exclaiming that their food looked weird or smelled bad. It left the children with the non-traditional lunch feeling shame as well as wishing they could just fit in. My children have not experienced this as Asian children of white parents, even parents who make lots of different foods. If we go somewhere that requires a packed lunch, more often than not, PB&J sandwiches will on the menu. 

Can we all just take a moment and stop and figure out how we can do better with this? Why should any child be made to feel shame at food that was prepared for them; food they enjoy eating under normal circumstances? What are we teaching... or not teaching... our children that when confronted with a different food their first reaction is to decide it looks horrible?

It seems there are a few things that can help. The first is just to eat dinner together. During that time every day, there are plenty of teaching moments. There is very rarely a dinner where everyone likes everything. some of the foods on the table might be someone's least favorite dish of all time. That's fine, don't eat it. I always make sure there are other choices when I am serving something I know a child detests. But what is not allowed is for them to make disparaging comments about a food that others do enjoy. "I don't care for that" or "It's not my favorite" are acceptable. "Ewww! That's gross!" or "This is so yucky!" are not. This is teaching sheer politeness and acknowledgement that other people can like and enjoy things you do not. 

The second, expose your children to other foods. You don't have to even be an adventurous cook to do this. Order take-out from a restaurant that serves something outside the typical American cuisine. Go to a market that serves ethnic communities and randomly pick a fruit to try... or a dessert. Heck, just taking your children into such a market will expose them to sights and smells that are new to them. Learn about a country and try some of that country's food. Talk about how different cuisines use different spices and flavorings and ingredients and that this changes how they taste and smell. Reinforce the idea that different is not bad, it is just different.

The third is to check your own attitude. If you are a picky eater, double check what messages you are sending to your children about food you don't care for. Children are far more likely to pick up on our actions than any didactic words we are saying. And I'll tell you, I am a recovering picky eater. (Check with my mom if you don't believe me.) I decided to purposefully change because it grows tiresome (and personally I found it ridiculous) that I could look at a large menu and only find one thing I wanted to eat on it because I thought I didn't like so many things. And a brief brain fact for you... the brain cells that are dedicated to taste are actually some of the fastest regenerating cells in the brain. It is possible to change what you like because of this. 

My heart breaks for every child who has felt shame about something as personal as the food their family eats. There is no need for this. We can help our children to broaden their horizons so that they can be welcoming when confronted with something that initially seems different or strange. Think how much better it would be if when a group of children was opening their lunches and one child leans over to another and says, "What do you have? Can you tell me about it?" This is not a difficult phrase to teach your children... it might not be a bad idea for us adults to make use of it, too.