Strong adoption opinions

There is a website that "helps" families who are struggling with their adopted child find a new home. I've written about my feelings (which are not positive) before, so won't go into that here. And as much as I try not to have anything to do with it, I occasionally come across a listing which inevitably has me gnashing my teeth. 

Earlier this week I had that very thing happen, but what particularly bothered me was that the child had been in their new home less than a year. I am astounded that anyone would make such a drastic move in so little amount of time. It's unethical and potentially devasting for the child involved. 

I was in the kitchen while expounding to J. on my feelings about this whole thing when Y. happened to pass through. She paused a moment to listen to what set her mother of this time (and possibly to judge the entertainment value). When I mentioned the less than a year piece, Y. was incensed right along with me. 

I always find it interesting to talk to my children about how the experienced the early years of their adoption. Y. was definitely old enough and intellectually able enough to both understand and remember her early years and her transition to our family, so can be a wealth of experience. Except that she has a giant blank spot for part of it: the first year. She has just three or four memories of that entire year because she was still in such a state of shock and transition that life was a blur and didn't make enough sense to be formed into any type of intelligible memory. Starting her second year, sge felt as though she was waking up and life was making more sense. 

I cannot write this enough. Adoptive parents need to be educated on what are appropriate expectations. They need to be told that this is not a fast process. They need to let go of any expectation that life for anyone in the family will never go back to the way it was before adoption. And they need to understand the pain and trauma involved with adopting. Then when one's new child is angry for having uprooted them from everything they know, the parent can understand where that pain and anger is coming from and not take it personally. Because the child is correct. They were uprooted from everything they know and we're very often given absolutely no say in the matter. 

How much better would it be to give appropriate education ahead of time and then continue to support that family after placement as everyone does the hard work of adjusting? To do otherwise is predatory and helps no one.