Permission to disagree

I left two of the clinics we had gone to yesterday at the horse fair. Sometimes a clinician's personality just doesn't match your own and sometimes there are just so many egregiously wrong things that you can't stay because to do so would indicate support. I want to briefly discuss the latter.

The minute the word 'respect' came out of his mouth, I knew we were in trouble. Not only do I problems with requiring respect from children, but I have even more difficulty with using that frame of reference with a horse. It just doesn't make sense and if you read current ethology research it is not how herds function. It's outdated and damaging. 

[An aside to head off comments. Yes, I expect my horses to be safe to be around. They don't push in for food, they don't push ahead through a gate, they don't push me aside. Those aren't safe behaviors for horse-human interactions. I work very hard to be sure my horses understand how to safely be around people. This starts out by me respecting them and how they learn and not the other way around.]

But it got better. He then went on to say anyone working with a horse needed to be self-aware. Okay, I'm on board with that. It would have been better, though, if he had not demonstrated exactly how un-self-aware he was. From the misogynistic joke, to the comments about not putting up with ill-behaved children, to actually not making any sense regarding what he was doing with the horse at the end of the lead line he was holding, he demonstrated that his one and only goal was for everyone to think he was something pretty special. For the life of me I could not figure out what he was trying to get the poor horse to do and I understand verbal language. The horse was definitely trying his heart out to do what was asked, but because nothing was clear, the best he could do was shut down at which point the clinician praised him for being respectful. Great. It was at this point I said (out loud), "He's full of crap," and left. 

I know the vast majority of my readers are not horse people and I have a broader point to make here. If that were my horse, I would have walked over and taken the lead rope back and walked out. Eating the fee for being a participant would be minor compared to the damage that was happening to my horse. As an audience member, I voted with my body and left because I wanted no tacit approval to the circus I was watching. I have no idea if anyone else felt the same or because someone was wearing a cowboy hat and had been given a microphone he was deemed an expert and not to be questioned. 

If you just sit there, it is the same as approval. If you don't say anything, it is the same as approval. It is okay to question "experts." It is okay to refuse to be a part of something you don't agree with. It is okay to do this even if you are the only one. Know what you believe to be good and right and draw that line for yourself. Chances are you are not actually the only one, others are just waiting for permission to disagree. 

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