Negativity bias

Negativity bias is the description of our brain's tendency to focus and remember the negative or scary things that happen to us. It really did serve a purpose because it's how humans stayed safe from saber toothed tigers and the like. It's important to remember the times you saw a predator or the near misses to ensure they didn't happen again. This was great until it wasn't. There are very few predators in our modern life, yet the way our brains are hooked up didn't change along with civilization. 

This is not unlike modern domestic horses living in fenced pastures and barns far from grizzlies and mountain lions. They are still going to assume the plastic bag floating on the wind is a predator and run away before doing anything else. It doesn't matter how many times you tell them there are no mountain lions in the forest preserve because it's how their brains are wired. 

Our negativity bias doesn't have us running away from the random blowing bag. Instead, it means that the negative events in our life (the stupid remark we made but wish we could take back, the poor grade, the parking ticket, the time we were ignored or excluded, etc., etc.) are the ones we remember, and remember often. It is negativity bias at work when we make sweeping generalizations about how bad things are, or nothing ever goes right, or my child only ever screams at me. We are primed for the bad stuff which means most of the good stuff goes completely unnoticed. 

We remember what we pay attention to. We can very easily fall into the habit of only paying attention to the negatives in our lives and in our relationships. Remember the study where the subjects were told to count the number of times a ball was passed in a video they were to watch? And how a very high number of subjects did not see the gorilla walk through the video because that is not what they were watching for? If we default into only looking for the negative that is all we're going to find. Even if the good stuff is as seemingly obvious as a person dressed up in s gorilla costume walking right across your line of sight. 

So start to be aware of when you are falling prey to your brain's default settings; make a point of paying attention to the positive around you. No saber toothed tigers are lurking, I promise. Some ideas for shifting your awareness.

• Set a goal for yourself to notice __ amount of positive things in a day.
• Have it be a dinner table conversation, a sort of variation of what you are thankful for.
• Look out for the words always and never in your thinking. These are clues that you may be falling prey to your brains negativity bias.
• Take multiple time outs throughout your day (it only needs to be a few minutes) to really look around you and appreciate your surroundings and make note of them. Speed of daily life can make us more susceptible to negative thinking.
• Laugh.
• Think about what brings you joy. Do some of those things for yourself as you are able and pay attention to them. If sipping a hot cup of coffee in the morning is something that brings you joy, don't dilute that by focusing on other things.
• Do kind things for others.

Your life may not be perfect. Actually I'm 100% sure it is not. It may be filled with challenges and maybe even some really gut wrenching cry into your pillow stuff. But this doesn't mean you can't also appreciate the small (or big) things that are positive. Will these months of noticing fix the challenges? No, but a more balanced outlook can make them more manageable. I remember vividly my mother-in-law telling me as she was going through some truly horrendous treatments for ovarian cancer, "You know, it hasn't been all bad." And then proceeded to list the positives that she had experienced as a result of her illness. She was a wise woman.