The good side of stuff lying about

For many years R. would never leave things lying around the house. Toys, shoes, coats, anything she saw as hers was crammed either in her closet or under her pillow if she weren't actually clutching it. I know this seems like a parent's dream come true, but in actuality it ends up feeling more than a little disconcerting. 

You see, children who are secure in their home and don't worry that their possessions will still be there if they walk away are children who leave things about. But orphanages and children's hones teach another lesson. If you aren't holding something or hiding it, then the odds are not in your favor that you will ever see that item again. 

These lessons are deeply ingrained and not easily unlearned in favor of healthier options when a child reaches a safe situation. I tell parents all the time that for some things you really need to think in years instead of just weeks or months. This can be difficult to really comprehend sometimes. 

As an example I'll share a photo that I took after dinner tonight. 


What you are looking at if R.'s babydoll peeking out there from under the living room sofa pillows. This is actually a baby step forward for R. Up until a couple of months ago, she still would not leave any previous thing downstairs unattended. She would always, ALWAYS, take that item upstairs to hide it in her bed. Being able to leave something downstairs is a huge step even if she still feels the need to cover it up. 

H. did this for quite a few years as well. Now? She feels completely safe and at home based on how much of her stuff is left about these days. Who would have thought I would ever be happy and excited to have children leave stuff lying about? 

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