Finding home

I had an odd dream last night that J. and I decided to sell the house we're currently in and we're going to buy a very large house in the city. There was a lot more to it than that, because dreams are odd, but that was the main outline. In my dream I remember spending a lot of time wondering if that is what I really wanted to do. 

We've been here over six years now, which seems crazy because it couldn't be that long. But I also have reached a point where it just feels like home and I need to stop a minute and remember before. I think the dream was a little bit of emotional house keeping.

On Monday, earlier this week, I hadn't posted because I was out somewhat late with two good friends. We'd had dinner together without children. It was lovely. But I think it also dredged up a bit of stuff because having a group of mom friends to go out to dinner with (and not something that I felt the need to organize) was one of those last things that I had been missing. It felt natural and like home. 

While I will always love our old home, I think a lot less often of it. They are good memories, but aren't really that painful anymore. We have good things out here. I had friends to go to the Sheep and Wool Festival with. I have new activities and friends that come with them. I have a new business (even if I have ignored it for a month and I heartily dislike networking.) I have the land and animals I always had hoped for. Things are good.

I also know that J. is still struggling to find friends that can fill in for those whom we moved away from. I think it is just far more difficult for men to find thoseelfe relationships especially when working full time. I wish I could find friends to fill that void.

My dream self was clearly deluded. In real life I would not have been happy about a move back to the city, even if the house had a crazy number of rooms.