"You're amazing!" - a user's guide

If any of you know me or have been reading here for any length of time, you'll know that hearing someone say to me, "You're amazing!" upon learning about my family, you'll know that it is guaranteed to irk me. But I also came across another instance today where the use of "You're amazing!" was just offensive. The trouble is, when used, the user of the phrase doesn't realize quite how offensive it is and usually means well (in a clueless sort of way.) So, I decided to help everyone out by writing a user's guide to help people avoid being cluelessly offensive. 

When to use, "You're amazing!"

1. You are watching a magician and they are purposefully trying to be amazing.
2. An athlete who has just broken some type of record.
3. To a peer who goes out of their way to help out.
4. To someone who just jumped into a river to save someone.

When not to use, "You're amazing!"

1. With anyone who is different from you and whose life you personally cannot fathom living. Unless that person has done any of the above items, that is  but just living a fulfilling life doesn't count.

Because what "You're amazing!" says is that: I find it just extraordinary that you, whom I see as incapable or less than (even if I don't consciously recognize it) can do things and live a fulfilling life. (Or the adoptive or special needs parent version is loving and living with someone in that category.) I find it most often expressed when a person doesn't know what to say and ends up saying far more about themselves than they meant to. If you don't know what to say, there are always standbys... pets, children/grandchildren, books you liked, music you like, hobbies you have, etc., etc. Because yes, even those people who you cannot imagine having a fulfilling life really do have all of these things to talk about.




Comments

Jennifer said…
What if I say "you're amazing" in relationship to your many, many hobbies/interests? I really want to meet you one day and talk books and maybe learn to ride! (Is that creepy? I promise I'm not very creepy)
8/09/2023 3:56 PM
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