Dinner parties

I've been thinking about children and food and cooking. This is mainly because I often see parents asking where they can find cooking lessons for their children or how they (the parents) can stop being short order cooks every night. I can't help but think these two things are very much related to one another.

What put this back in the front of my mind was that G. and Y. happened to wander through the kitchen as J. and I were starting dinner. They both like to help stir things and we're wondering if there was something that would need to be stirred. We were having risotto, so the answer was yes, it was pretty much all stirring. I handed G. the spoon, proceeded to tell them both how to cook risotto, and then went and sat down. They understood the directions and were perfectly capable of carrying them out. They didn't need me hovering around.

Both expressed pleasure at having added another dish to their growing repertoire of recipes they are able to cook. Children in their teens really do like to feel competent. This is how I have taught each of my children to cook. They ask to help, so I give them a task, teaching them how to do it if necessary. And then I let them do it. Sometimes they want to fix dinner themselves. Y. made dinner earlier in the week, K. made dinner a couple of times in the fall all because they wanted to.

I think the key here is to make the activity look interesting and grown-up. (That would be grown-up in a good way, not in a drudgery sort of way.) J. and I enjoy cooking dinner together; it's an enjoyable part of the day. Sometimes people want to join in on that, sometimes they don't. It is never forced. 

Dinner time isn't much different. It is a time of day we enjoy together. It is the rare meal that everyone really loves. Usually there is at least one child who is just tolerating what was served. If it is a side dish, for instance K. and cornbread, then they just don't take any. If it is the entree, then they have a small amount on their plate and then having been polite and taken a bite, they'll happily pass it along to someone who does like it. That's it, life goes on. Really, I just don't want someone saying something is gross or yucky because other people are enjoying it and someone worked to cook it. Anyone is welcome not to like something, just be considerate about it. 

None of this is worth getting tied up in a knot over. Children pick up on parents' worry and anxiousness, and when they do, their brain and body ramp up a bit. At that point it becomes difficult to do hard things (such as try new food). You can see the spiral beginning here, right? It's not worth it. No one can force a child to eat, so why try? Instead, spend your energy enjoying your own meal and your family's company. Your child may never fall in love with okra, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy it. 

It's not even a matter of picking your battles. Thinking of it as a battle puts you in the wrong mindset. Instead see the preparation and enjoyment of food as a party you get to have together every night.