Scripts

I'm not quite ready to leave tomorrow, but I'm getting there. I have done more than a few loads of laundry, both so I have something to pack and people here have something to wear. I have the menu done. I've completed my homework for my class and sent it in. I've left several documentaries for people to watch so we can continue to check things off the school list. I have thought a lot about what books I am going to bring. I have not thought at all about what clothes I'm going to pack, so I suppose I should do that. And today, I have spent significant amounts of time working on R.'s script with her.

Things had been fairly calm up to today given that I am leaving for the weekend. Today, though, as I'm walking back from the barn., L. runs out to let me know that R. had a seizure. My first question, of course, was, "Does she still have all her teeth?" She did, thank goodness. But it still did not bode well for the day or the weekend. When I got into the house, she was still not quite herself. But I got her some medicine and sitting back down so she could finish eating her breakfast. (Like many children with a trauma history, protein... lots of it in regular intervals... is proving crucial to her ability to maintain equilibrium.) I sat next to her while I was eating my breakfast, so that helped and she managed to get it down. 

I then decided that I needed to approach this head on. We spent a long time talking about me going to Arizona. Why I was going, what I was going to be doing, and when I would be back. We then talked about what she can do whenever she feels anxious about me going (or being gone). She is first going to say to herself out loud, "My Mommy comes back." This alone has the ability to knock her anxiety down a step. We practiced today, every time she was anxious, her saying this phrase. It took a bit of coaching for her to remember, but every time she said it, I could watch her body unfold and relax just a little bit. We then talked about what she can do while I am gone. She can tell Daddy she is feeling worried or sad. We talked about what Daddy would do if she told him that. (Give her a hug, read a book, etc.) We talked about sometimes being able to call me on the phone so we could talk. She was also a little sad that she couldn't see Grammy, too, so she spent some time drawing pictures for her that I can take. I told her I would take a picture of them where ever Grammy decided to display them. This pleased her and also had the added bonus of giving her something to look forward to over the weekend. We talked about the things she could do so to entertain herself (helping Daddy, riding her scooter, playing with an activity box, drawing pictures, etc.) 

These were not one time conversations. I had all of these conversations many times over the course of the day, and then J. got to have the same conversations after he got home from work. We also practiced doing some deep breathing after she reminded herself that I was going to come back. J. added some activities that they could do together over the weekend. As of right now, she is balanced and not showing significant anxiety. She has also been able to look forward to some of the things she will be doing over the weekend.

Just being able to manage these conversations without disassociating is kind of huge step for her. Her ability to stay in the moment even if it feels a little uncomfortable is slowly growing. Disassociation is still her go-to coping mechanism, but sometimes she can over ride her initial instinct. It is one of those small steps that is actually kind of huge. She also has a little more language now, so this also makes conversations a little more possible. You learn to appreciate the baby steps, especially after years of barely seeing any progress at all.

I'm not planning on taking a computer with me, so I probably won't be doing much... if any... blogging. I do plan on visiting with my mom, sitting in the warmth and reading, visiting with some friends, and doing a little piano judging, because that is ostensibly the reason I'm going. If you think of it, say a quick prayer for J. and R. That they both are able to sleep and that the weekend is blissfully dull.