I'm not even sure what to title this

On Saturday, I am starting something new. I will be beginning remote coursework to earn a certificate in Equine Facilitated Learning (EFL). I am excited as EFL seems as though it combines many of my somewhat diverse interests... horses, brain science, emotional health, supporting people through change, and did I mention horses? EFL is a little hard to pin down with a definition, but the short version is that horses act as mirrors to people's emotional and physical states, allowing those individuals to see themselves more clearly and thus make positive changes in their lives. Horses can do this because they have more mirror neurons in their brains than any other mammal, so that combined with their highly attuned ability to pick up physical nuances in those around them is what makes them seem as though they have emotional super powers... and maybe they do. I've heard people refer to horses as lie detectors on four legs. I have always wanted to find ways to support parents who are struggling with parenting challenging children, and this seems as though EFL could be extremely beneficial. 

I was particularly excited when this arrived earlier in the week.

I think I am going to find it extremely interesting. Based on the books referenced, actually, I know I am going to find it extremely interesting.

For a research junkie and book lover, I'm not sure there is anything much more exciting than to find new titles you didn't know about in your area of interest. As I skimmed through the binder, there were quite a few books that fit this category. (I read a lot. Finding one book I haven't read, much less heard of is not a common occurrence. Finding multiple books I haven't read nor heard of is extremely rare. It also fills me with ridiculous amounts of excitement.) I either purchased or put on hold at the library nearly all the titles... because that's what I do. 

One of those titles came today, so of course I had to spend some time flipping through it. It is Social: Why Our Brains Are Wired to Connect by Matthew D. Lieberman. Here is where I'm ultimately heading with this post. (And be forewarned. We're on spring break for two weeks, I have a stack of new and interesting books, this may be bloggy life for a bit.) Right at the very beginning, I come across this.

"The research my wife and I [the author] have done over the past decade shows that this response [pain at the loss of a loved one], far from being an accident, is actually profoundly important to our survival. Our brains evolved to experience threats to our social connections in much the same way they experience physical pain. By activating the same neural circuitry that causes us to feel physical pain, our experiences of social pain helps ensure the survival of our children by keeping them close to their parents. The neural link between social and physical pain also ensures that staying socially connected will be a lifelong need, like food and warmth. Given the fact that our brains treat social and physical pain similarly, should we as a society treat social pain differently than we do? We don't expect someone with a broken leg to 'just get over it.' And yet when it comes to the pain of social loss, this is a common response. The research that I and others have done using fMRI (functional magnetic resonance imaging) shows that how we experience social pain is at odds with our perception of ourselves. We intuitively believe social and physical pain are radically different kinds of experiences, yet the way our brains treat them suggests that they are more similar than we imagine." (pp. 4-5)

While this has implications for society as a whole, I see it as being extremely imperative that the adoption community grasp this idea. I cannot tell you how many times I've heard or read adoptive parents wondering why their new child can't just move on and embrace their new family, as though this is an actual choice that the adoptee is able to make. Instead, to see our adopted children as bearing painful physical wounds that are going to take a long time to heal and sometimes will reopen due to various circumstances and events, would be much more helpful... and accurate. How many children really are doing the best with what they have, but what they have is emotional pain that is being processed in their brains as physical pain. It is one more example of why, when given a choice between treating a child as a misbehaving enemy and treating a child with compassion because they are wounded at a very deep level, compassion should always win.