Caving

Finally, after months of living with barely functioning phones, J. and I ordered new ones which will arrive tomorrow. I hate the fact that cell phones are not designed to last more than a few years. We've only had these for just three a half years. It really seems that having something last for at least five years is not too much to ask. My children inform me otherwise. This unwillingness to accept the current disposable phone culture is what caused us to wait so long to replace them. But yesterday, while I was talking with another parent about ways to help connect to her son who was struggling, my phone dies not once but twice. It is infuriating when the battery goes from 40% to 15% to 0% within the span of one minute. I didn't even have time to get it plugged into the charger before it died. (And plugging it in is no guarantee it will actually charge. If the plug isn't positioned in exactly the correct manner, it won't charge.) Did I mention how infuriating this is?

I also realized something else as I was fighting to get my phone to charge yesterday. I just couldn't ponder being able to exist without it. This isn't because I can't stand to put it down and do other things. I will leave it in other rooms without a second thought. It was more that I realized that during the pandemic, it has become my main connection to the outside world. We don't really go anywhere, so I don't just run into people as I would if life were normal... going to co-op, church, Bible study, meeting friends, etc. If I want any sort of connection with adults who do not live in my house, it has to happen over my phone. The thought of not having even that literally filled me with panic. I will also admit that it crossed my mind that if I wasn't interacting with other people, even if it was just virtually, would they even remember I existed? I'm pretty sure that I am not the only one to have these thoughts. It has been a difficult year, and if you have challenging children I'm pretty sure it is even more difficult.

So, new phones are coming, leaving me feeling equal parts annoyed and relieved. I cannot wait until life gets even a little bit back to normal so I can begin (again, because I feel as though we have lost all the ground we had gained after the move) creating a social network with real, live people.