Be careful what you say
I've been pondering how fear can bring out deep seated beliefs that more in more regulated times are kept under wraps or politely ignored. When people are coping with significant fear there is little left over for worrying about social niceties. There are two particular areas of life where I have been dismayed to see increasing levels of less-than-spectacular behavior. I've kept my tongue... so far.
The first? The increasing anti-Asian sentiments that I have been seeing and hearing about. I have Asian children so this hits close to home. We don't go anywhere these days, so my children have not been subjected to anything outright (as regards to Covid-19, they have certainly experienced racist behavior at other times), but I have friends who have. Some of it is pretty egregious and other behavior is down right frightening. I'm not sorry to not be able to take my children out right now.
If you are white, please be careful about what you say and share. Jokes about bat eating causing the virus are not only not funny, they are scientifically inaccurate and fuel the fear-filled fire of those who are already predisposed to blame our current tragedy upon any Asian person, even if that Asian person is a small child. Be careful about how you refer to the virus. It is NOT the China virus despite being how the president chooses to refer to it. And if an Asian person tells you that they find that term offensive and derogatory, you do NOT get to decide if that person is correct in how they feel. Please, I've had arguments with other white people who feel that they are correct in justifying the use of that mistaken and derogatory name saying that Asian people should not be upset about it. One person does not get to tell another person how to feel about something. At any point. But if you truly care about people, it should be your goal to try to not offend. Tell me, how much does it ruin you life if you choose to call it it the corona virus or Covid-19 instead of something more offensive because someone told you they found it upsetting? I'm pretty sure it costs you absolutely nothing. To choose not to change your terminology is the height of privilege, and says volumes about how you view other people. And just in case you didn't figure it out on your own, what it says is nothing good. Do better.
The other? There have been some really rather unpleasant comments directed at large families. It seems some people believe that we large families are taking more than our fair share of resources at the moment. That because of us, smaller families and single people are not getting the food they want. Fear about food and having enough food is a very deep-seated fear. It is convenient to find someone at whom to direct that fear because it helps give you a feeling of control over a situation if you have figured out who to blame.
I'm afraid that blame would be rather misplaced. Just because you see us with filled shopping carts does not mean that we are responsible for emptying the shelves. Chances are, we have been pushing those very same filled shopping carts around the grocery every single week... for years. (Our large families didn't just pop into existence last month, you know.) As a result, the stores have essentially stocked their shelves accordingly. They stock what they sell, after all. No store is going to want to be stuck with expired or rotting food after all.
Personally, I don't even think that you can blame hoarders for the current supply and demand issues. (Well, except for toilet paper. That I just cannot even begin to explain.) Here's my theory. There are a lot of people who eat out for a lot of meals. There are a lot of people who just swing by the store every day and get a couple of things. Going to the store is kind of like a hobby. Those two things combined mean that a surprising number of households in the country do not keep even a week's worth of groceries on hand. As I have mentioned before, the grocery stores stock their shelves based on what sells, so they stock their shelves with the assumption that most people do not buy a full week's worth of groceries at a time.
Suddenly, people are told that they shouldn't leave their houses, sit-down restaurants are closed, and there are some Chicken Little voices saying that there is a food shortage because the stores have empty shelves. Of course the stores have empty shelves. People who do not normally keep much food in their houses are all buying more food than usual; probably a lot more food because they haven't had experience with knowing how much they actually need. When you are fearful, you do not tend to estimate well. This is far outside the shopping norm and the grocery stores had no way to predict it was coming. Their own buying habits were still for a non-shelter in place world. But empty shelves triggers even more fear which triggers even more stocking up. I'm not even going to call it hoarding, because I'm not sure that is what people are meaning to do. They are imagining weeks of not being able to leave their home and wanting not to starve. Now, we know that people can go out and buy food, but ideas have been put in place and fear is a very loud interior voice.
It is pretty much a supply and demand issue that will sort itself out as the stores adjust to the higher demand. I can tell you the empty shelves are not due to me or any of my friends with larger families. Heck, much of our food doesn't even come from a grocery store. I can't afford that. We would just like to be able to pick up some things that will actually feed our family. You know, more than one box of pasta at a time or more than a couple of canned goods. But it seems that to ask for that is akin to a large family literally taking the food out of the mouths of the children in a smaller family. Since it doesn't make a lot of sense, it makes me feel as though there are some other deep seated issues going on about whether large families should even be allowed.
All in all, none of this feels very nice. Just be aware of what you do and say and how that might be perceived by the other party. Be kind. Please?
The first? The increasing anti-Asian sentiments that I have been seeing and hearing about. I have Asian children so this hits close to home. We don't go anywhere these days, so my children have not been subjected to anything outright (as regards to Covid-19, they have certainly experienced racist behavior at other times), but I have friends who have. Some of it is pretty egregious and other behavior is down right frightening. I'm not sorry to not be able to take my children out right now.
If you are white, please be careful about what you say and share. Jokes about bat eating causing the virus are not only not funny, they are scientifically inaccurate and fuel the fear-filled fire of those who are already predisposed to blame our current tragedy upon any Asian person, even if that Asian person is a small child. Be careful about how you refer to the virus. It is NOT the China virus despite being how the president chooses to refer to it. And if an Asian person tells you that they find that term offensive and derogatory, you do NOT get to decide if that person is correct in how they feel. Please, I've had arguments with other white people who feel that they are correct in justifying the use of that mistaken and derogatory name saying that Asian people should not be upset about it. One person does not get to tell another person how to feel about something. At any point. But if you truly care about people, it should be your goal to try to not offend. Tell me, how much does it ruin you life if you choose to call it it the corona virus or Covid-19 instead of something more offensive because someone told you they found it upsetting? I'm pretty sure it costs you absolutely nothing. To choose not to change your terminology is the height of privilege, and says volumes about how you view other people. And just in case you didn't figure it out on your own, what it says is nothing good. Do better.
The other? There have been some really rather unpleasant comments directed at large families. It seems some people believe that we large families are taking more than our fair share of resources at the moment. That because of us, smaller families and single people are not getting the food they want. Fear about food and having enough food is a very deep-seated fear. It is convenient to find someone at whom to direct that fear because it helps give you a feeling of control over a situation if you have figured out who to blame.
I'm afraid that blame would be rather misplaced. Just because you see us with filled shopping carts does not mean that we are responsible for emptying the shelves. Chances are, we have been pushing those very same filled shopping carts around the grocery every single week... for years. (Our large families didn't just pop into existence last month, you know.) As a result, the stores have essentially stocked their shelves accordingly. They stock what they sell, after all. No store is going to want to be stuck with expired or rotting food after all.
Personally, I don't even think that you can blame hoarders for the current supply and demand issues. (Well, except for toilet paper. That I just cannot even begin to explain.) Here's my theory. There are a lot of people who eat out for a lot of meals. There are a lot of people who just swing by the store every day and get a couple of things. Going to the store is kind of like a hobby. Those two things combined mean that a surprising number of households in the country do not keep even a week's worth of groceries on hand. As I have mentioned before, the grocery stores stock their shelves based on what sells, so they stock their shelves with the assumption that most people do not buy a full week's worth of groceries at a time.
Suddenly, people are told that they shouldn't leave their houses, sit-down restaurants are closed, and there are some Chicken Little voices saying that there is a food shortage because the stores have empty shelves. Of course the stores have empty shelves. People who do not normally keep much food in their houses are all buying more food than usual; probably a lot more food because they haven't had experience with knowing how much they actually need. When you are fearful, you do not tend to estimate well. This is far outside the shopping norm and the grocery stores had no way to predict it was coming. Their own buying habits were still for a non-shelter in place world. But empty shelves triggers even more fear which triggers even more stocking up. I'm not even going to call it hoarding, because I'm not sure that is what people are meaning to do. They are imagining weeks of not being able to leave their home and wanting not to starve. Now, we know that people can go out and buy food, but ideas have been put in place and fear is a very loud interior voice.
It is pretty much a supply and demand issue that will sort itself out as the stores adjust to the higher demand. I can tell you the empty shelves are not due to me or any of my friends with larger families. Heck, much of our food doesn't even come from a grocery store. I can't afford that. We would just like to be able to pick up some things that will actually feed our family. You know, more than one box of pasta at a time or more than a couple of canned goods. But it seems that to ask for that is akin to a large family literally taking the food out of the mouths of the children in a smaller family. Since it doesn't make a lot of sense, it makes me feel as though there are some other deep seated issues going on about whether large families should even be allowed.
All in all, none of this feels very nice. Just be aware of what you do and say and how that might be perceived by the other party. Be kind. Please?
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