Four years
I received an email reminding me that my four year post-placement reports for R. and Y. are due soon. I guess I'll be working on those this weekend. After this one, we will only have one more post-placement report to go.
I can't quite believe it has been four years since we were in China bringing these girls home. It seems both too short and too long a time. It's interesting that it feels as though they have been here always, yet it wasn't that long ago that we made the trip. This is especially true where Y. is concerned. Even though her initial transition was emotional painful, she has pretty much fit seamlessly into our family.She is a very intelligent child, both emotionally and intellectually, and this has served her well as she navigated having her world upended and having to learn everything over again. Y. is one of those rare children who do catch-up and is at the same level as her age mates.
We do butt heads occasionally, if I am being transparent. Y. is a perfectionist. A very bright perfectionist. This could also be the way someone might describe me, too. We both like to be right. We are both convinced we're right. Sometimes one of us isn't. We get over it and we move on. Just like I do with my other very bright perfectionists who live in the house. Y. fits in rather well.
And then there is R. ... I will admit that there have been times during these past four years that have seemed extraordinarily long. Not sleeping will do that to a person. While life has always been touch and go and more than a little mysterious with this child, last year was the most difficult of the four. It is a scary thing to have a child exhibit extreme behavior you do not understand, cannot seem to stop, and which seems to be escalating in both frequency and severity.
I know I have said this before, but to finally have a medicine regimen which seems to be working, and to have professionals in place who not only believe us but are willing to help seems nothing short of miraculous. Sometimes I kick myself that we just didn't start taking her to the ER right off the bat, but I'm not sure that would've done any good at that point. Because the truth is, it took three and a half years for her to settle and become organized enough for us to start discerning even the most tentative patterns to what was going on. She was that traumatized by her past and by the adoption that there was nothing in her behavior and functioning that made any sense.
I have come to think of progress for her as one would observe the movement of a glacier. It moves, but it is extremely slow, and you cannot see it, particularly day to day. But over the course of a longer period of time, you can indeed see that it has moved from point A to point B. For instance, I have started doing some number and counting activities with her. Granted, we stick to the numbers 1 - 5 and I only get a good five minutes of thinking out of her a day, but that is far beyond what she could do even two years ago. This is what I have to keep reminding myself each day, otherwise it is too easy to find oneself brooding on impossible questions... Will she ever be interested in more than coloring and sweeping? Will she ever be able to write her name? Will she ever be able to tell G. and L. apart? Will she ever be anything more than a passive observer to her own life? Too much of that and crawling into bed and pulling the covers over your head sounds like a really good idea. I cannot predict the future, so worrying about it won't accomplish anything.
Two very different girls, but our family would not feel complete without either of them.
I can't quite believe it has been four years since we were in China bringing these girls home. It seems both too short and too long a time. It's interesting that it feels as though they have been here always, yet it wasn't that long ago that we made the trip. This is especially true where Y. is concerned. Even though her initial transition was emotional painful, she has pretty much fit seamlessly into our family.She is a very intelligent child, both emotionally and intellectually, and this has served her well as she navigated having her world upended and having to learn everything over again. Y. is one of those rare children who do catch-up and is at the same level as her age mates.
We do butt heads occasionally, if I am being transparent. Y. is a perfectionist. A very bright perfectionist. This could also be the way someone might describe me, too. We both like to be right. We are both convinced we're right. Sometimes one of us isn't. We get over it and we move on. Just like I do with my other very bright perfectionists who live in the house. Y. fits in rather well.
And then there is R. ... I will admit that there have been times during these past four years that have seemed extraordinarily long. Not sleeping will do that to a person. While life has always been touch and go and more than a little mysterious with this child, last year was the most difficult of the four. It is a scary thing to have a child exhibit extreme behavior you do not understand, cannot seem to stop, and which seems to be escalating in both frequency and severity.
I know I have said this before, but to finally have a medicine regimen which seems to be working, and to have professionals in place who not only believe us but are willing to help seems nothing short of miraculous. Sometimes I kick myself that we just didn't start taking her to the ER right off the bat, but I'm not sure that would've done any good at that point. Because the truth is, it took three and a half years for her to settle and become organized enough for us to start discerning even the most tentative patterns to what was going on. She was that traumatized by her past and by the adoption that there was nothing in her behavior and functioning that made any sense.
I have come to think of progress for her as one would observe the movement of a glacier. It moves, but it is extremely slow, and you cannot see it, particularly day to day. But over the course of a longer period of time, you can indeed see that it has moved from point A to point B. For instance, I have started doing some number and counting activities with her. Granted, we stick to the numbers 1 - 5 and I only get a good five minutes of thinking out of her a day, but that is far beyond what she could do even two years ago. This is what I have to keep reminding myself each day, otherwise it is too easy to find oneself brooding on impossible questions... Will she ever be interested in more than coloring and sweeping? Will she ever be able to write her name? Will she ever be able to tell G. and L. apart? Will she ever be anything more than a passive observer to her own life? Too much of that and crawling into bed and pulling the covers over your head sounds like a really good idea. I cannot predict the future, so worrying about it won't accomplish anything.
Two very different girls, but our family would not feel complete without either of them.
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May
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