I don't know how you do it

It's turning into a series of days where I'm just not home, and when I am home, there are long lists of things that have to be done.

Today I was gone for six hours to H. and R.'s neurology appointment. Their neurologist is not close, but the drive was made even worse by a snow storm which at least doubled my driving time. I don't enjoy driving in the snow, so was pretty beat by the time I got home. Sitting down for a moment to have a restorative cup of tea found me sound asleep, eating up the time I had planned to do some bill paying. When I managed to claw myself to consciousness, I realized it was time to feed horses, then make dinner, then have dinner. I delegated kitchen duty to the older children while I went to get the bills paid.

But then there was also Y.'s Japanese project that she needed to do for her class tomorrow... a presentation board on an aspect of Japanese culture. She had chosen kimonos. The problem was, she had no idea exactly what a presentation board was. Thankfully, A. took over helping her with that. I helped by making comments and suggestions as I worked at my desk.

Tomorrow is not looking much better. We have our co-op for a good chunk of the day, and when we get home, I'm pretty much letting people off and turning around with R. to go to the psychiatrist appointment we have set-up. I anticipate coming home and doing horses and making dinner, much like today.

Wednesday? No doctor's appointments at least, but I leave very early Thursday morning for Arizona, so it will be spent grocery shopping and getting things ready here so I can leave for four days. Because I haven't been home, or when I am have been taking care of the urgent, the list for preparing to leave feels as though it is growing.

I do not do well with zero margin. I feel anxious and stressed. I am not calm. And I don't feel as though I am a terribly terrific mother. It is going to take me the better part of next week to get dug out from the things that are piling up because there is just no time to take care of them. I am thankful that most weeks are not like this.

A week or two ago, when we had dinner with some people from our church, I was asked (by someone who didn't know we homeschool) how I managed to get everyone out the door each morning. I laughed and said I didn't, and truly couldn't imagine how I could make it work. Just thinking about the whole process of getting everyone up and dressed and fed and with their papers and work and to school on time overwhelms me.

I am often asked how I do it (whatever 'it' is). But truly, my usual schedule feels pretty easy, especially compared to that of a parent who works all day and comes home to manage their house and take care of their children. That feels difficult and overwhelming. To those of you who make it work, either by choice or necessity, my hat is off to you.

And the whole homework thing? I have always said I would make a dreadful school parent. One class project for one child was too much. I absolutely cannot imagine that times however many school age children I have.

Comments

Carla said…
I loved your comment a week or so ago that some nights you lie in bed and wonder what it is that you accomplished that day. But whatever it is, it must be something because when you don't do it, chaos reigns. I'm fighting a head cold and this is applies all too well.

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