Jagged
Children in general are jagged. Some are good at some things but not others. Some struggle with little, some struggle with much. Some days a child can seem precociously mature, while other days, they seem years younger than they are. Adults are jagged, too. We all have good days when things seem easy, and not so good days where doing just the basics is barely what we can do. This is life, and we all understand this.
Yet, when parents bring home an older child, often they are surprised at exactly how jagged in all areas their new child is. This is partly because past trauma can exacerbate this jaggedness. One day a child can seem as though they understand English, enjoy being in their new family, and quite capable on all levels. Then the next day, this same child doesn't seem to understand anything, nothing can make them happy, and even the simplest tasks seem beyond them. If you are not expecting it, it can be baffling and a little scary. Even if you are expecting it, it can still be extremely frustrating. The best you can do is keep on loving the child, while providing whatever support they need at that moment. Eventually things do start to average out. I don't think this can be explained too much based on the number of times I find myself explaining it to parents in adoption groups.
I wanted to show you an example of jaggedness. If you've been reading here for any length of time, you know that R. struggles with everything. Our biggest academic success this last year was that she identified the number "1". She is making progress, but exceptionally slowly.
Then today, a very good day for R., by the way, I noticed her doing this today.
This is a 100-piece puzzle; one of three she did today without any outside help. She has a quirky way of doing jigsaw puzzles, which is pretty much the exact opposite of how I do them, but she makes it work somehow. Some days she struggles to match shapes, and other days she does this. It does give me a slight bit of hope that there is more in that head than you would think, if only we can heal the trauma enough to find it. But still, brains are weird.
__________
And now a short advertisement. My brother and his wife are raising beef cattle. These are happy, well-cared for, grass fed, and pasture raised cattle. Pretty much everything you want from a meat source. They are taking orders sides of beef right now. If you live in Iowa, consider ordering. I love having a full freezer. If you live in the Chicago area, I think we are working on getting orders brought out here. Take a look and share with friends, neighbors, and the random person walking down the street. Riggins Family Farm
Yet, when parents bring home an older child, often they are surprised at exactly how jagged in all areas their new child is. This is partly because past trauma can exacerbate this jaggedness. One day a child can seem as though they understand English, enjoy being in their new family, and quite capable on all levels. Then the next day, this same child doesn't seem to understand anything, nothing can make them happy, and even the simplest tasks seem beyond them. If you are not expecting it, it can be baffling and a little scary. Even if you are expecting it, it can still be extremely frustrating. The best you can do is keep on loving the child, while providing whatever support they need at that moment. Eventually things do start to average out. I don't think this can be explained too much based on the number of times I find myself explaining it to parents in adoption groups.
I wanted to show you an example of jaggedness. If you've been reading here for any length of time, you know that R. struggles with everything. Our biggest academic success this last year was that she identified the number "1". She is making progress, but exceptionally slowly.
Then today, a very good day for R., by the way, I noticed her doing this today.
This is a 100-piece puzzle; one of three she did today without any outside help. She has a quirky way of doing jigsaw puzzles, which is pretty much the exact opposite of how I do them, but she makes it work somehow. Some days she struggles to match shapes, and other days she does this. It does give me a slight bit of hope that there is more in that head than you would think, if only we can heal the trauma enough to find it. But still, brains are weird.
__________
And now a short advertisement. My brother and his wife are raising beef cattle. These are happy, well-cared for, grass fed, and pasture raised cattle. Pretty much everything you want from a meat source. They are taking orders sides of beef right now. If you live in Iowa, consider ordering. I love having a full freezer. If you live in the Chicago area, I think we are working on getting orders brought out here. Take a look and share with friends, neighbors, and the random person walking down the street. Riggins Family Farm
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