The more things change, the more they stay the same
J. and I were given tickets to see a local production of Shaw vs. Chesterton. We had a lovely evening and felt very pampered and grown-up. And the show was good.
It was actually very interesting. G. K. Chesterton and George Bernard Shaw, both famous writers in their own rights (Chesterton for his many books and essays and Shaw for his plays), were good friends and disagreed on about everything else. Chesterton was a Christian, Shaw an atheist; Chesterton believed in private property, Shaw believed in redistribution of wealth via socialism; Chesterton enjoyed food (a lot), particularly meat, Shaw was a vegetarian; and so on and so on.
The play was based on transcripts of actual debates which were held between Shaw and Chesterton. The topics were timely and sounded very, very much like the topics which are still being debated today, though they were held ~90 years ago. And while it was interesting to listen to each man's arguments for his view, what I found much more interesting was the relationship between the two men. We do not see a lot of examples of friendship between opposing "sides" these days. We see a lot of belittling of others, name calling, nastiness, and just plain meanness from all sides. There is very little respect happening.
And this is what struck me in listening to the debates between these two men. While they disagreed on just about everything, it was still very evident that they respected each other in spite of the other's views. The mutual respect made it much more interesting to watch and also made it possible to actually pay attention the arguments themselves, rather than focusing on the person delivering the arguments.
The thing which made this unique friendship possible, I believe, is that both men were so very similar despite their differences. Both men were highly intelligent, both were well-spoken and good communicators, both had healthy self-esteems, and both cultivated a slightly larger-than-life persona. They were equals in nearly every respect and they acknowledged the abilities of the other.
It has made me wonder about whether this is the only way a friendship like this is possible. Or, have we just lost the ability to acknowledge the humanity and value of someone who doesn't hold our own views? When did the lose the idea of civil discourse? Today it seems that we take it so personally if someone else dares to hold another viewpoint from our own, it is as if just the act of disagreement is a personal attack. Do we all hold our viewpoints so fearfully that they cannot withstand honest questioning and debate? You see, I have a lot of questions, but not a lot of answers.
Well, I have one answer. I believe that the ability to debate and discourse civilly in a learned skill which needs to be modeled for our children. I think it is healthy for children to see their mother and father disagree on something and be able to discuss the different sides of an issue without resorting to anger or name calling. It is important to see that merely disagreeing with someone does not mean that the relationship is in danger. Another place to learn this skill is at the dinner table. This is assuming that conversation actually happens at the table and people don't just sit down, eat, and bolt. Encourage debate among your children. Raise controversial topics and discuss them. Allow you child to suggest a viewpoint different from your own, but be sure to encourage them to support that view. I know some people consider this a scary proposition; a child disagreeing with a parent can be frightening proposition if the parent immediately jumps to, "If my child disagrees with me about this, then tomorrow she is going to throw over everything I believe in!" Relax, breathe, and create a safe place for children to 'try-on' different opinions. Train your children (and yourselves as you model this) civil discourse.
If you are in the Chicago area, you could go see the show yourself. There are two shows left (tonight and tomorrow afternoon), just call the Provision Theater. I recommend it. And now, I think I'm going to dig out my copy of Chesterton's Father Brown Mysteries. I read them before a long time ago, and am now wanting to reread them.
It was actually very interesting. G. K. Chesterton and George Bernard Shaw, both famous writers in their own rights (Chesterton for his many books and essays and Shaw for his plays), were good friends and disagreed on about everything else. Chesterton was a Christian, Shaw an atheist; Chesterton believed in private property, Shaw believed in redistribution of wealth via socialism; Chesterton enjoyed food (a lot), particularly meat, Shaw was a vegetarian; and so on and so on.
The play was based on transcripts of actual debates which were held between Shaw and Chesterton. The topics were timely and sounded very, very much like the topics which are still being debated today, though they were held ~90 years ago. And while it was interesting to listen to each man's arguments for his view, what I found much more interesting was the relationship between the two men. We do not see a lot of examples of friendship between opposing "sides" these days. We see a lot of belittling of others, name calling, nastiness, and just plain meanness from all sides. There is very little respect happening.
And this is what struck me in listening to the debates between these two men. While they disagreed on just about everything, it was still very evident that they respected each other in spite of the other's views. The mutual respect made it much more interesting to watch and also made it possible to actually pay attention the arguments themselves, rather than focusing on the person delivering the arguments.
The thing which made this unique friendship possible, I believe, is that both men were so very similar despite their differences. Both men were highly intelligent, both were well-spoken and good communicators, both had healthy self-esteems, and both cultivated a slightly larger-than-life persona. They were equals in nearly every respect and they acknowledged the abilities of the other.
It has made me wonder about whether this is the only way a friendship like this is possible. Or, have we just lost the ability to acknowledge the humanity and value of someone who doesn't hold our own views? When did the lose the idea of civil discourse? Today it seems that we take it so personally if someone else dares to hold another viewpoint from our own, it is as if just the act of disagreement is a personal attack. Do we all hold our viewpoints so fearfully that they cannot withstand honest questioning and debate? You see, I have a lot of questions, but not a lot of answers.
Well, I have one answer. I believe that the ability to debate and discourse civilly in a learned skill which needs to be modeled for our children. I think it is healthy for children to see their mother and father disagree on something and be able to discuss the different sides of an issue without resorting to anger or name calling. It is important to see that merely disagreeing with someone does not mean that the relationship is in danger. Another place to learn this skill is at the dinner table. This is assuming that conversation actually happens at the table and people don't just sit down, eat, and bolt. Encourage debate among your children. Raise controversial topics and discuss them. Allow you child to suggest a viewpoint different from your own, but be sure to encourage them to support that view. I know some people consider this a scary proposition; a child disagreeing with a parent can be frightening proposition if the parent immediately jumps to, "If my child disagrees with me about this, then tomorrow she is going to throw over everything I believe in!" Relax, breathe, and create a safe place for children to 'try-on' different opinions. Train your children (and yourselves as you model this) civil discourse.
If you are in the Chicago area, you could go see the show yourself. There are two shows left (tonight and tomorrow afternoon), just call the Provision Theater. I recommend it. And now, I think I'm going to dig out my copy of Chesterton's Father Brown Mysteries. I read them before a long time ago, and am now wanting to reread them.
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