Money and working

It's the monthly Hearts at Home link-up today and the assigned topic is how do we each teach our children about money. Over the past week I've been thinking about this, and what I have landed on really has nothing to do with the nuts and bolts of children handling money. Instead, what is becoming increasingly important to me is how the adults in my children's lives (myself included) view and handle money and what are our underlying assumptions about it. You see, we can overtly teach all we want, but what our children actually learn is by observing how we live. I have two different strands of thoughts on this. The first is our insistence on tying work to money and the second is the idea of what is enough and do we really live as if we have enough. I will tackle the first idea today and then write about the second tomorrow.

As I have said before, we don't give our children allowances. We provide the necessities for our children and if they want something extra, then they are welcome to earn the money to buy it. Some of the things that are considered extras are small electronics, special clothes, pets (if you have them, you are responsible for their food and supplies) and phone minutes (we don't have a phone plan because we use them so infrequently). My older children have done babysitting, pet sitting, snow shoveling, tutoring, and worked as sound techs to earn this money. It seems to work. They all take pride in being able to pay for things themselves and definitely know how much effort is required to earn a dollar.

We have never paid for the jobs we expect them to do around the house. I know people have differing opinions on this and have heard from multiple sources that in the "real world" when adults work, they get paid, so we should offer the same consideration to our children. That's fine... I'm all for rewarding work. But the trouble with this line of thinking is that I'm an adult and I don't get paid for what I do. This is not sour grapes by any means, but merely a statement of fact. There is an awful lot of work in homemaking and while there are many benefits to this career, remuneration is not one of them.

As a society, though, we have so confused what is worthwhile with what is able to earn money that we don't think straight about it anymore. The message to women very often is unless you are getting paid for it, it is not worth doing. If you are not getting paid for it, it isn't real or valuable work. If you are not getting paid for you, you can't be influencing society. It's a little crazy, because if I were teaching other people's children, it would be considered very valuable. If I were cooking for paying guests, I would be called a chef. If I were cleaning other people's houses, I would be seen as doing what I could to support my family. If I stay home and do these things for my own family and practice hospitality to others, I am considered dead weight, not living up to my potential, a drain on society.

So, no, we do not pay our children for helping to make our home a pleasant and livable place. I want my children to know the satisfaction of a job well done. (Because we do make our children go back to try again, if the assigned job is not done satisfactorily.) I want my children to know exactly how much work goes into creating a home. Even if they choose to pay someone else to do it in the future, they will have a much better idea of what the hired person is doing. I want my children to grow up with the idea that we serve other people, including our families, by doing things for them whether we enjoy them or not. And I want my sons to see that it is a valuable thing to have a wife who aspires to the career of homemaker.

Oh, stop hyperventilating. Why can't we say that? Why can't a woman admit that this is what she wants to do with her life? And why can't a man understand its importance and choose to support her? More often than not, I listen to young women hem and haw about what they want to do with their lives because it is not acceptable to admit that you want to create a home and raise children. More often than not, I hear about men who are uncomfortable with their wife not earning a paycheck, as if there is something shameful about having a wife who doesn't work.

I want my daughters to know that choosing to create a home is a viable option and I want my sons to know that this is an important calling which should be supported.