Four Things

October 03, 2007

Mary at Ethiopia Adoption Blog had a four things meme that I thought I would jump in on. So....

Four Things About Adoption

Four things I thought about adoption when I was a child:

That adoption was a normal way to build a family (I had adopted cousins)
That I wished my parents would adopt
That I fantasized about children being left on our doorstep to raise
That I wanted to adopt when I was an adult

Four things I've learned since then:

Adoption involves incredible joy and incredible loss
It's not the "easier" way to have a child join a family
Attachment is hard work...and that attachment goes both ways
Love is a choice first and an emotion second

Four things that are hard about adoption:

Being at the mercy of governments and bureaucracies
That other people don't see my family the same way I do
Missing out on the early years of my child's life
Not instantly falling in love with my child

Four ways my adopted child has surprised me:

How quickly he learned English
His unwillingness (or inability?) to talk about his life in Vietnam
How much I would melt when he gave me the first real hug
How close TM and D would become

Four things I wish everyone knew about adoption:

Not all players in the adoption game have the best interest of the children in mind. There are unethical agencies out there....prospective adoptive parents need to do their research.
I am the lucky one, not the child
That boys are just as desirable as girls
Intercountry adoption is the last best choice for a child. Other avenues should be pursued that seek to maintain family and country ties.

Comments

Anonymous said…

You make great lists. I can relate to almost all of this. And that part about TM not talking about VN makes me feel a little better... the only thing Zeeb talks about is the hotel we stayed at together. I still don't know if he truly doesn't remember or if he just doesn't know how to express his memories, or if he's locked them up somewhere in his head/heart...?

10/03/2007 6:45 PM