Don't wait

I bought some crystal goblets today. Yes, I already have quite a few crystal goblets, but these would coordinate nicely with what I already have and were a very good price. As I watch my children grow older, I see a need for more goblets at our fancy formal dinners as they outgrow their little silver mugs. 

I have seen so much china and crystal and silverware for sale recently. I understand that times and styles change, that storage abilities differ from situation to situation, that what is important to one person is not necessarily important to another, but I will admit it makes me a little sad. I love all the beautiful things designed for a table. Some of my children might say I have a bit of a problem with it. I do have less than I used to as some of it had to go when we moved because I didn't have storage for all of it. (Yes, that made me sad, too.) 

I bought the goblets today from a woman who felt her children were too small to have these things about. I made understanding noises because when selling things to a stranger, one doesn't necessarily want a lecture to go along with the cash. Had a felt free to have a discussion, even at the risk of her deciding she didn't want to sell after all, here is what I would have said.

These things were created to be used and to be useful. They were not made to sit on a shelf and gather dust, but to sit on a table to make a meal special. Personally, I think usefulness adds beauty to any object. I'm not one for things just sitting about without purpose, but I'm happy to actually use beautiful things. If you never use china or crystal or silver, then I understand why people decide they don't want it. I agree that it doesn't make much sense. Wouldn't a better solution be to actually use it... even if a piece was accidentally broken every now and then? 

As far as children go, I still maintain you should use your fancy things. Children can learn to be careful only by having practice with things that can be broken. Now, I'm not talking toddlers here. I have used my share of plastic sippy cups over the years. But once they are four or five, I move them on to regular glasses (mainly because I really despise plastic anything when it comes to dishes). Yes, for our regular glassware and dishes, we have gone through many over the years, and not all the breakage comes from the children, by the way. These are things I buy at the thrift store because I know their lives will be short-lived. But this practice with real, breakable things, even if some are occasionally broken, helps my children learn how to be careful with the fancier things. They've already practiced with the easily replaceable stuff. When they are allowed to use the better china they feel important and grown-up and tend to be more careful as a result. 

Plus, how better to signify the importance of an event than using all the fancy dinnerware? I can remember as a child coming into the dining room on either Christmas or Thanksgiving or Easter and feeling a little awed and more than a little excited when I saw the table my mother had set the night before with her china and crystal and silver. It made everything seem so much more of an occasion; it added to the excitement. I don't set the table the night before, but I do set a formal table for all major holidays or meals. It makes it truly a holiday rather than just another meal that we are all eating together. For a year when many of us are not gathering with outside family and friends, this making an occasion when things don't seem that different is important. 

We usually have our big formal dinner on Christmas Eve and then spend Christmas dinner having another formal meal at J.'s sister's. As a family we've discussed this a bit; how we are going to keep our traditions yet within the bounds of what life is like. We decided to keep Christmas dinner formal and make Christmas Eve dinner something completely different from what we do. (Honestly, I don't have two formal back-to-back dinners in me.) I think we'll enjoy a year of different, but will be happy to go back to our normal next year.

(TM took all these pictures for me on the spur of the moment. He muttered that they would have turned out better if he had more time and a better backdrop. They are 1000x better than anything I would have done. My only quibble is that the knife and spoon should be switched.)

 Is clean-up a pain? Yes, a bit, but that is more because of our numbers than anything else. It just doesn't take that long to hand wash four or five place settings; fourteen takes a bit more effort. It is worth it, though. We signal to our family that they are important to us by the effort we put into things. We teach our children to appreciate beauty when we share beauty with them. We teach table manners and conversation by eating together and giving them a chance to practice using the fancy stuff. Besides, how often do you get to set out multiple forks and things? It's just kind of fun. 

Don't let whatever you are keeping for someday sit on your shelf. Use is now. Make up an occasion if you need to. Celebrate the accomplishment of a family member. Have a formal-ish dinner just because it's clouding and dark outside and we're in the middle of a pandemic. My grandmother, who used her good things every day, always muttered that there was no point to having something if you didn't use it. 

Now, all of this can smack heavily of privilege. I won't argue. We have inherited some very beautiful things and were given other very beautiful things as gifts. This is not everyone's norm. But not everything needs to be expensive. Some of my china I've picked up at rummage sales. It is very good china, but was bought for little more than a song. Nearly all of the linen napkins and tablecloths I use for special occasions also came from thrift stores and rummage sales. Keep your eyes open and you may be surprised at what you find. It doesn't have to match, mine certainly doesn't by the time I've cobbled together fourteen place settings pulled from various sets and patterns. When the sun sets, the room grows dim, and you light the candles, it will be beautiful regardless. 

So find occasions to make a little bit of life an event. Get out the 'good stuff', enjoy it, teach your children to use it, make memories together. What exactly are your waiting for when you leave it all sitting on a shelf or behind a cupboard?