The 6 things children need

Three quotations from two very different sources to start us off.

"Allowing horses opportunities for decision-making -- such as choosing a route on a ride or approaching a novel object at their own pace -- stimulates dopaminergic circuits involved in reward, motivation, and curiosity. These include pathways connecting the ventral regmental area to the nucleus accumbens, systems that support approach behavior and promote cognitive engagement. Structured choices, introduced in controlled settings, help horses learn that they can influence their environment, building flexibility and trust. These moments of agency are not just training tools; they are exercises in shaping the brain. They reinforce circuits that allow horses to remain curious under pressure, rather than shutting down or reacting defensively." (p. 144, Horse Brain Science: The Neuroscience of Ethical Horsemanship by Dr. Stephen Peters)

"From a neuroscience perspective, psychological robustness comes not from overprotection, but from exposure to manageable challenges and the opportunity to recover. Resilience develops when a horse is allowed to enter mild sympathetic arousal -- engaging the brain's attention and learning circuits -- and then return to parasympathetic rest. This adaptive cycling supports autonomic flexibility and confidence. Over-sheltering a horse, or avoiding all discomfort, narrows its experiential window and makes is less capable of regulating itself under stress. The goal is not to eliminate challenge, but to provide it in a context that allows the horse to succeed -- and to recover." (p. 189, Horse Brain Science: The Neuroscience of Ethical Horsemanship by Dr. Stephen Peters)

"Research has shown that skilled hand activities such as knitting, woodworking, and gardening can reduce stress and relieve anxiety and depression. Depression symptoms are related to lower levels of serotonin, known as the 'feel good' chemical in the brain, which is the target of pharmacological treatments such as selective serotonin uptake inhibitors (SSRI's). Repetitive, thythmic tasks, such as knitting and weaving, are known to activate the release of serotonin. Depression is also related to increased levels of the stress hormone cortisol and low levels of dopamine, a neurochemical involved in movement, pleasure, and anticipated rewards. What we do impacts these neurochemicals, so we can change our brain chemistry through our actions. The idea that action precedes emotion is the basis for cognitive behavioral treatments such as behavioral activation, which encourages people who are depressed to do things like go for a walk, visit a friend, or tidy their home, even when they don't feel like it. These activities can enhance mood and provide a sense of accomplishment to combat the feelings of hopelessness and helplessness associated with depression." (p. 169, With Her Own Hands: Women Weaving their Stories by Nicole Nehrig)

These three excerpts are not as disperate as one might initially think because they all deal with healthy and resilient brain functioning. (And for the record, I am not equating children to horses, but nervous and endocrine systems function pretty much the same way.) I believe that these passages give a very tidy summary of what is healthy for humans, particularly young humans. I think we can all agree that our children are not as emotionally healthy and resilient as they could be. I also think this is true for their parents as well, but for brevity's sake, I'll focus on children for this post. So, based on some of the very good brain science I just shared with you, and which is just a fraction of that which I have read and not shared with you, here is my short list of what children need to learn and be emotionally healthy.

1. Children need to feel safe in their environment because without felt safety the brain cannot learn or remember.

2. From this place of felt safety, children need to begin to exercise their ability to choose. There need to still be borders and support, but a child cannot choose appropriate things at a later age if they haven't had practice with choices at a younger age. They also need to not be saved from the consequences of that choice if there are any.

3. In order to learn, the sympathetic nervous system needs to be engaged. A brain focused on resting is not primed to learn. The challenge of any particular learning needs to be below the threshold where the nervous system becomes overwhelmed.

4. Children need to manipulate things with their hands. Tactilely investigating objects... holding them, counting them. manipulating them, reading the words on their pages... is an integral part of the learning process.

5. Children need to move their bodies, help around the house, be outside, and challenge themselves. 

6. Children need to have their curiosity nurtured and protected.

You may agree with me on all these points, but you may not agree with me on my conclusion. Screens do not support any of these items. Social media is not a safe space for children. The way the internet is run, the child is not really doing the choosing but is passively being fed information. Learning on a computer allows no real way for a child to meaningfully choose. Screens do not engage the sympathetic nervous system, they tend to dull it instead, inducing passivity. Working a mouse or a track pad is not the kind of physical manipuation of the world that children need. The movement items seems rather self-explanatory. And while there are certainly interesting things that one can research on the internet, let's be honest about how much actual research is being done by children which actually nurtures their curiosity. 

The short version? We know what makes for a healthy brain. There is literally no question about that. Yet, there is so much marketing aimed and parents and children and educators about the supposed benefits of children and computers that the actual truth of the matter is buried under the need for computer related products to make money. The reality is 99% of it is toxic to our children because growing brains are always more vulnerable to the things that are shaping them, be that trauma or screens.