Ordinary Time

Let's talk about what is normal in parenting children with a trauma history. And just to remind you, all adoption involves trauma. Yes, even infant adoption. Ready?  It is normal for the child to have an immature regulatory system. Things that children with stable backgrounds weather easily are difficult.  It is normal for this regulatory system to be dysregulated much of the time. It is normal for a perpetually dysregulated child to melt down or rage over what seem to be trivial things. It is normal for the child to be non-compliance. It is normal for the child to lie and steal.  It is normal for the child to be functional in settings which don't involve the parents. It is normal for children to be more dysregulated after being functional in the non-home setting.  It is normal for the child to act both younger than their chronological age and also more sophisticated.  Please note that I did not say all children who have experienced trauma will behave like this....

Yesterday J. and I were each busy doing various things so R. took herself off to her room. I was aware of her digging around in the bin of Duplos. I didn't think anything of it, as she'll often dig around looking for one of the few favorite figures that she likes to carry around. What I wasn't expecting was when she came into the studio to show me what she had built.  This, in case you can't tell, is a house (zoo?) with different rooms for her favorite Duplo animals. I think perhaps I was speechless for a moment and then double checked that this was her own creation. I was probably speechless again for a moment.  While R. is very good at entertaining herself, she has about five different activities that she enjoys and will play with for hours. I try very hard to get her to switch things up throughout the day, but it is really just a theme and variation. We have never seen her choose to build something without direct instruction and support. I honestly didn't think t...

Spring means the stinging nettles start growing. Since we have a lot of stinging nettle around here, it makes sense to make use of the free food. Plus, they are really, really good for you. G. offered to do the cooking if I did the harvesting. I own gloves, so I was more than happy to agree. We decided to try nettle ravioli with nettle pasta and nettle filling.  The nettle patch after I harvested a lot of nettle because I didn't think to take a before picture. They need to be blanched before using them because the heat removes the sting. And like so many greens, what looks like a lot to start with becomes not quite enough after cooking.  G. making the ravioli with the nettle pasta dough. I had G. use semolina flour instead of the white flour the recipe called for.  The finished ravioli. They are boiled and then have a garlic and butter sauce put on them.  The inside. They were filled with a combination of nettles, marscapone cheese, and cooked potatoes. While they we...

It has been a busy week around here. I had three different fiber classes at Fine Line this week. They were interesting; I'm glad I was able to take them; I'm really glad I don't have three every week. To keep this ship running smoothly, I really need to be home more. The portable sheep fencing is working well. We've (well, J. and G.) have already moved it once. The sheep love having access to grass.  I think the wool break in the sheep that haven't been sheared is now to a point where we can roo them. I think we'll try Fred tomorrow. L. has started training for her job as a deck hand on a boat on the Fox River. Today was CPR and first aid training.  G. and Y. are still on the hunt for summer jobs. J. received a very, very nice early birthday present from TM and JH of tickets to see Bruce Springsteen in concert. J. was left a little speechless.  On top of having three classes which had me out of the house this week, I also had a Girl Scout troop here all afternoo...

Let's talk about expectations. I'm going to discuss them in terms of parenting, but if you are not a parent, I think it will be pretty easy to transfer the message into your life as well. This is because the simple message is that it is our expectations that get us into trouble and make us unhappy much of the time. Actually, to be precise, that would be our unmet expectations. I communicate with a lot of parents and frustration and feeling frustrated is often reported as a significant problem. This frustration often takes the form of anger or yelling. When people picture what they think they will be like as parents, being the angry yelling type rarely is imagined. I've lost track of the number of times I have heard a parent say, "I never thought I would be a yeller." It's not how parents really want to be, yet they still find themselves doing it. What's going on? Let's just get one false explanation out of the way. It's not because they are bad par...

K. has been taking pictures the past couple of days.