Let's visit the idea of respect again.

When interacting with parents, whether on social media or as a client, it seems as though the concept of respect comes up again and again. I'll admit that that the word has become to me as rather a red flag is to a bull. 

First, let's discuss the actual definitions. Respect can act as both a noun and a verb. According to Merriam-Webster the definitions are as follows:

n. - a feeling or understanding that someone or something is important, serious, etc., and deserves appropriate treatment or regard

v. - to consider worthy of high regard

The flag can be respected. The Constitution can be respected (it isn't currently, but that's a different blog post.) We used to be able to respect the President (oops, also a different blog post.) My point is that there are entities out there that deserve our respect (noun), but even then, if those entities act in a way opposite to being worthy of respect, it is not a requirement for us to continue respecting them. I'm just not sure that parents fit well in this category. Maybe the idea of parenting from decades ago, but there was a lot of corporal punishment meted out in the name of parental authority as well. Does that deserve our respect?

Parenting is relational, or it should be. Respect if it has any place in the parent-child relationship is the verb type. A child can choose to respect a parent because they voluntarily hold them in high regard. This is not something that can be commanded. 

I'm going to share a blog post from the recent past because I think it needs a wider audience. If you haven't read it before, please do. For some context because it is not immediately apparent in the post, you need to know that I wrote this after G. and L. had gone to a youth group event that a friend had invited them to. During the teaching portion of the event, they quietly had gotten up and walked out because they didn't agree with the views the church held on trans people. They didn't cause a scene, but walked out and went to sit quietly outside the auditorium. This elicited an outsized response on the leadership who insisted they go back inside and leveled the charge of "not being respectful" at them. In this case, the phrase was completely erroneously used because it was code for not being obedient. J. went to collect them; he is much more level headed because I was irate. This little back story will help make sense of some of the more cryptic references.


The blog post:

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