Neuroception

"Horses, as prey animals, rely heavily on neuroception [an unconscious process by which the nervous system continuously scans the environment for cues of safety or danger, shaping behavioral responses accordingly] to assess their surroundings and determine whether they should engage socially, flee from a perceived threat, or shut down in response to overwhelming stress. Unlike cognitive perception, which involves conscious awareness, neuroception is an automatic, subcortical process that allows an organism to react before it has had time to think. In horses, neuroception is finely tuned to detect minute changes in their environment, including human body language, vocal tones, and the emotional state of those around them. This sensitivity explains why horses often respond to subtle shifts in human intention, posture, or energy before explicit cues are given." (pp. 124-125, Horse Brain Science by Dr. Stephen Peters)

This is why Equine Assisted Learning works. When watching a client lead a horse, I can usually see the moment that client's mind has wandered from the task because it is also the precise moment that the horse decides to do his own thing. It happens nearly instantaneously and can sometimes feel a little uncanny. I also never get tired of watching the intersection of horse and human behavior. I find it endlessly fascinating. 

Humans have neuroception as well. Ours is just as finely honed as a horses, plus modern humans tend to have perfected so tuning out their own neuroception that it might as well not exist. I have found that the population of humans who also have finely honed neuroceptive abilities are children with traumatic pasts. When you come from a background that has been significantly unsafe, you need to learn to rely on your own senses to keep you safe.

This has significant implications for those who parent these children. While we parents may think we are creating a safe front, if we harbor our own fear or ill-feelings, this is going to what's picked up on my out children. And just as horses are extremely bothered by incongruent humans (those whose outward behavior is completely at odds with what is going on internally), children with a trauma history are as well. You can't lie to a horse, but you also can't lie to a traumatized child. Both will feel great discomfort and possibly fear, with the child having no ability to cognitively understand what is going on. 

I think this is one reason I have always been a little put off by the whole "fake it 'till you make it" advice. Instead of telling ourselves that we need to fake attachment, I think it is far better to tell ourselves that attachment is a process and will eventually become easier. That gives us more room to be honest with ourselves and our children, but it also means that we need to be actively working on creating that attachment for our child in ourselves. Faking it almost gives us permission to not do any work on ourselves and instead assume that someday attachment will just happen on its own accord. Maybe, maybe not. 

Ultimately, if you want others to feel you are a safe and trustworthy person, you have got to be aware of your own emotions and behaviors that others will pick up whether they are aware of it or not. And begin to pay attention to your own feelings of intuition. It's your neuroceptive abilities at work. 

(And if you want to experience a horse reflecting back to you your own emotional and physical state, give me a call. I can make that happen.)