Selling yourself short

I spent the afternoon being a demonstration weaver at the arts open house at Fine Line Arts Center where I learned to weave. It was really fun to weave and talk to people and explain how looms work. The event was well attended and the weather held. I hope that there are a lot of people who sign up for classes as a result of seeing all the cool things that go on there. 

Long about hour two of my four hour shift, I gradually became aware of a thing. When it happened one time I didn't think much about it. The second time and I began to pay attention. By the fifth or sixth time, I became hyper-aware. What was it? People walking up to where I was weaving, watching for a minute, and then telling me in some form or another why they couldn't do what I was doing. The reasons ranged from "I'm not creative enough" to "I don't have the patience" to just a flat out, "Oh, I couldn't do that!" My favorite was the person who told me they couldn't weave because they were left-handed. When I nicely pointed out that weaving was one of the few things in life that used both hands equally, this person had another reason they wouldn't be able to do it. It was fascinating to me how many different reasons people could give for not being able to do something. 

I wish this were a multi-day event because now, having thought about it a bit, I have a plan. I would stand up, ask the person to sit and show them how to press the treadle with their foot and throw the shuttle with their hand. What I was doing today is truly not technically difficult. I feel as though I missed a huge chance to give them a moment to reassess their mental habits of how they think about themselves. Or at least to clarify what they were actually feeling.

It could be that some people just didn't find it interesting. That's great, we are all different and like doing different things. Just because I find weaving to be relaxing and interesting doesn't mean that someone else does. There really isn't anything that needs to be said; move on to what interests you. In this case, it is not a matter of can't, but a matter of don't want to. At least be honest without yourself so that you don't sell yourself short. There are many things that I have no interest in and that I am unwilling to put the time in to learn. Tennis comes to mind. I just don't want to. And let's get rid of the thinking that says some people do things naturally and the rest of us just can't. Even the people for whom playing tennis comes easily still need to practice. Sitting on your couch does not make a good tennis player no matter how much natural aptitude you were born with. 

It could be that some people were afraid that they wouldn't or couldn't understand the process. This is fear about capabilities to the extent that someone doesn't even want to ask a question to try to understand because they are afraid they won't grasp it. I like to think I did a pretty good job of explaining how looms work to the people who asked. I know it's not an easy concept at first, but I'm also happy to say that after several different ways of describing it, I had the satisfaction of each person having that light bulb moment of understanding the gist of what I was talking about. I'm afraid this mindset tells me far more about a person's past experiences with learning in general than anything. I am saddened that we have so many adults walking around who feel so unsure about their own abilities that asking questions feels too risky, especially in regards to something that is not actually that difficult to understand or do and could bring enjoyment and satisfaction. I realize that combating fear in learning is something I harp on quite a lot here.

Finally it could be that some people genuinely believed that they weren't creative enough to do what I was doing. For the record, I was just randomly weaving with my only goal being to see how many bobbins of leftover yarn I could use up. The result was... interesting. I probably gained more from the effort than anyone because I got to see how a great many different colors interacted with the colors of the warp. It certainly wasn't turning into something I would display or use. All this to say there wasn't a whole lot of creativity, but there was a whole of experimentation. And maybe that is the meaning here. There is a misunderstanding once again that creativity is something a person is born with a certain amount of... you either have it or you don't. In reality, creativity is a direct result of giving yourself permission to try things and have them turn out differently from what you had hoped. If this means something is ugly or wrong then that's okay. Figure out what you learned from it and go on. Creativity means that you are willing to make mistakes... a lot of mistakes. Once again, it is the doing creative things that develops creativity. Just as sitting on the couch is not going to create a tennis player, sitting on the couch is also not going to create a painter or a potter or a weaver or a poet. 

So the next time you find yourself either saying out loud or in your head that you can't or couldn't do something, stop and ask yourself what you actually mean. Is it that you don't want to? Is it that you are afraid? Or is it you don't think your genetic makeup allows for it? Then ask yourself is that really true? Model this for your children, help them to see that they do not have to limit themselves in what they can do. Because if you try something and it doesn't work the first time (or the third or the tenth) what is the worst that is going to happen? Is the world going to stop spinning? Figure out what you learned, change what you need to change, and dive in again. It's far more interesting than sitting on the couch.