Overcoming fear of messes
A reader asked a while back how I went about making the change from a mom who didn't do mess to being fairly okay with it. I haven't been ignoring the question, just thinking about it. This is mainly because I'm not entirely sure how the change came about; it just did. It's not as though I made an overt effort to change because I was okay not being a mess tolerant mom.
Yet I did change, and I think it was due to a few different forces.
1. I had more children. It was somewhat easy to keep things neat and orderly and avoid mess with just two or three. This becomes somewhat more difficult the more children you add into the mix. In some ways, I had no choice but to relax a bit. A bit... ha! Some days I wonder if it wouldn't be better if we tightened up the ship just a little bit because things have become so loose. But then I get distracted by a dozen or so things and don't revisit that thought for a few more months.
More children just equals more mess potential. The choice is either to loosen your grip on the mess or loose your grip on your sanity. I think being sane has some real life benefits, so decided to go with the mess option. And you know what? The earth kept spinning even if sometimes there was paint where I didn't want it or dough all over the floor. I survived, the house survived (surprisingly), and it wasn't as bad as I had feared.
2. My children grew up. Perspective changes everything. Those children who I wasn't comfortable doing messy things with got older, and I realized that what I remembered wasn't the clean house or the absence of mess. What I remember are the things we did together. It changed how I look at my present younger children. I want to create memories with them. The messes seem to pale in comparison with that.
3. People are more important than things. I have said this to my children hundreds of times, but didn't really learn the lesson myself until parenting children from hard places. Sometimes you just have to let go of the things to love and to help the child. While this type of mess is different from a creative one, it does help to change ones focus. A creative mess suddenly seems ridiculously easy to manage. Heck, it's just a matter of doing some cleaning up.
4. I'm older and just don't care as much. Really, it's true, age also brings perspective. There are so many things I would worry about that just don't seem to matter quite as much anymore, and creative messes are one of those things. Looking around my house at right this minute, you would probably think that a marginally clean house is also on that doesn't matter list. You may be right. I need to invite more people over to give me the motivation to do some cleaning.
So there you go, how I moved from someone who never did messy things with children to not caring so much. Life... and messes... happen. Focus on the life and not on the mess.
Yet I did change, and I think it was due to a few different forces.
1. I had more children. It was somewhat easy to keep things neat and orderly and avoid mess with just two or three. This becomes somewhat more difficult the more children you add into the mix. In some ways, I had no choice but to relax a bit. A bit... ha! Some days I wonder if it wouldn't be better if we tightened up the ship just a little bit because things have become so loose. But then I get distracted by a dozen or so things and don't revisit that thought for a few more months.
More children just equals more mess potential. The choice is either to loosen your grip on the mess or loose your grip on your sanity. I think being sane has some real life benefits, so decided to go with the mess option. And you know what? The earth kept spinning even if sometimes there was paint where I didn't want it or dough all over the floor. I survived, the house survived (surprisingly), and it wasn't as bad as I had feared.
2. My children grew up. Perspective changes everything. Those children who I wasn't comfortable doing messy things with got older, and I realized that what I remembered wasn't the clean house or the absence of mess. What I remember are the things we did together. It changed how I look at my present younger children. I want to create memories with them. The messes seem to pale in comparison with that.
3. People are more important than things. I have said this to my children hundreds of times, but didn't really learn the lesson myself until parenting children from hard places. Sometimes you just have to let go of the things to love and to help the child. While this type of mess is different from a creative one, it does help to change ones focus. A creative mess suddenly seems ridiculously easy to manage. Heck, it's just a matter of doing some cleaning up.
4. I'm older and just don't care as much. Really, it's true, age also brings perspective. There are so many things I would worry about that just don't seem to matter quite as much anymore, and creative messes are one of those things. Looking around my house at right this minute, you would probably think that a marginally clean house is also on that doesn't matter list. You may be right. I need to invite more people over to give me the motivation to do some cleaning.
So there you go, how I moved from someone who never did messy things with children to not caring so much. Life... and messes... happen. Focus on the life and not on the mess.
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