Flip flopping

I was a huge M*A*S*H* fan when I was growing up. (I think I'm still a bit traumatized by the final episode.) There is one episode that  particularly sticks in my head. I can remember being disappointed in it when I first saw it because it wasn't funny. Now, I think about it often. The whole show flip flopped back and forth between what was happening in the hospital unit in a war zone. Lots and lots of blood and death and destruction. Then it would move to what was happening state side in the early fifties; light hearted normalcy. I particularly remember lots of people dancing in fancy clothes. It wasn't funny, it was just jarring. As I said, I didn't like it. Now I don't like it for a completely different set of reasons. 

I don't know about you, but that jarring difference between horribleness and absolute normalcy has been flirting through my head a lot, often on an hourly basis. I do something normal such as hang with my horses and muck stalls, then something will happen...  a news report, an email, a phone call, a conversation... and I'm suddenly slammed back into the awareness that our democracy is being destroyed and people are being hurt. Back and forth, back and forth, all day long. It is exhausting. 

Sometimes I just have to take a step back for a moment. But even that, my brain wonders for low long will I have the luxury of stepping back? It doesn't stop and the vague panic is always there on some level. And anger. Did I mention anger? Anger that this is where we are. Anger that half the country appears to think it's okay. Anger that I have to have conversations with my children that I shouldn't have to have. Anger that friends are scared and hurting and worried about providing medical care for themselves and their family members. Anger that close  friends are worried about being deported. Anger that people we know whose jobs are funded by government grants may very well be out of work. Anger that no one in power seems to be willing to stand up to someone who is essentially a bully. So. Much. Anger. 

So then I realize I need to get a grip and calm myself because it is not good to live like this. Back to the book or consuming activity until the next text or phone call or notification flings me back to reality. 

Over and over and over and over and over. 

I have the Julian of Norwich quote going through my head nearly all the time now, to help with a broader picture, 

"All shall be well and all shall be well, and all manner of thing shall be well." 

Well, that and Dvorák's New World Symphony which I cannot even begin to explain why that is happening. 

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