Nothing to see here

Ah, nothing says the holidays have arrived like a total meltdown on the part of a child. In my younger parenting years, this would have sent me spiraling as well. The thoughts running through my head would include:

• Why is this happening?
• What did I do wrong?
• What if it continues through the actual holiday?
• How will we navigate a ruined holiday if this continues?
• What if the child never stops melting down? 
• What will others think? 

There's probably more, but you get the gist. A meltdown was seen as total failure and a ruined holiday. I can sympathize with my younger self a bit, because I didn't have the skills and perspective I do now, but also I just want to say stop it with the catastrophic thinking and get a grip. It's just a meltdown, not the end of the world. 

Because it wasn't the end of the world, then or now. And it certainly wasn't a harbinger of a ruined holiday... then or now. The only person who can ruin a holiday is themselves. If I allowed the child in meltdown to ruin my holiday, that was actually my choice.  Really, the only thing this meltdown means is that holidays are exciting and anticipation can be difficult to manage if you are still developing self-regulation skills. Nothing more, nothing less.

Meltdowns, when they happen these days, which is rare, are pretty much non-events. We give the child the support they need, but pretty much everyone else just goes about their life knowing that this will pass and there is nothing to get upset about. There is no emergency. When the child having difficulty is in a place to accept comfort, then everyone knows that is what will happen. Our house is safe for everyone.

So my reminder to you as I listen to my child dramatically army crawl across the floor is that there are very few things which are actually life or death. Remaining calm is the best thing you can do and will help everyone maintain or regain equilibrium faster. And it is easier to regain calm if you can frame the event as just a part of growing self-regulation skills and not a harbinger of a dire future.