A Personal Manifesto

This is a very different post than the one you would have been reading yesterday if I hadn't... wisely... decided I needed some space. I spend a lot of time in my EAL work teaching self-regulation skills as well as conflict resolution skills. It seems I needed to take a bit of my own advice. 

Step number one in conflict resolution is to make sure your thinking brain is firmly on your head. My thinking brain was not very often on my head yesterday, and instead the emotional part of my brain was in full control. It wasn't pretty. Today there has been a bit more actual thinking. I am still angry and sad and scared, but those emotions are not driving my thoughts quite so much. I'll admit it has been a challenge to not let my overactive imagination begin spinning out of control, though. There has been a heck of a lot of focused breathing throughout the day as well. 

Step number two is to share how you feel using 'I' statements. And this is where I'll land tonight. I don't want to spend the next four years stuck in feeling angry, sad, and scared, though I'm sure I will have ample opportunities to feel those three. To give into them full-time however does not feel life giving. We can't always control our circumstances, but we can choose how we face them. I first wrote the word 'react' in that sentence and realized that I don't want to be always reacting, either. That feels as though I'm giving someone else control of my interior life; facing challenging circumstances seems better. I've been thinking a lot about how I want to be in light of the somewhat cataclysmic news of the past two days. Here is what I've decided.

I want to remain kind. And I want to be kind to anyone I come across. Kindness is something that is given whether the recipient is deserving or not. I do not underestimate the power of kindness and how it can affect another person. 

I want to remain truthful. Several years ago I made the conscious decision that regardless of the situation, if someone made a statement that denigrated another person or group, I would say something. It was hard at first, but it has gotten easier with practice. I want to be able to live contentedly with my conscience more than I want to be popular or make people happy. I'll add that I always do this is in a calm, kind, yet firm way. It will probably be challenging to remain calm and kind depending on the situation, but that is my goal.

I want to protect my children. I will do all in my power to keep them each safe and to work towards a society where their safety ceases to be a concern. Being kind doesn't mean being a doormat.

I want to remain joyful. If I let anyone steal my joy in my family or friends or in the beauty that is all around us, then the enemy has truly won. I refuse to be so caught up in fear and anger that I don't stop to appreciate the truly beautiful, amazing, and wonderful parts of life, even when it's hard.

I want to love extravagantly. One of the most disturbing aspects of all of this is seeing others who profess to be Christians behave so diametrically opposed to what Jesus teaches. I have often felt the need to distance myself as a follower of Jesus because I didn't want to be associated with that extremely narrow and hurtful view of Christianity. Even the most cursory reading of the New Testament is pretty clear that to love one another is a pretty key concept. Friends? Love them. Neighbors? Love them. Different religion? Love them. If you view them as a sinner? Love them. And yes, enemy? Love them. At no point does Jesus pause and say, "Except for those people over there." I will also admit that up until now, my life has been pretty darn empty of actual enemies. That alone is a great privilege. But now it feels more than a little full of enemies... those who would wish my children or others harm. I will struggle with this. But I will endeavor to find their humanity and love it even as they are denying others their humanity. Because this radical nature of loving is truly the only thing that is ultimately going to save us.