How about something completely different?

Oh, don't worry, I'm still sewing, but while I was sewing I watched several episodes of Shiny, Happy People. It has been on my list for a while, but knowing the content I wasn't rushing to watch it. When I needed something to occupy my brain while I was putting bias tape on what felt as though miles of raw edges, I decided this was the perfect opportunity.

For those who don't know it is a documentary of sorts looking at Bill Gothard's IBLP cult (and yes, I am using that term in its precise sense) in general and the Duggar family specifically. It was not pleasant to watch. 

I'll admit to watching the first couple of Duggar family specials and enjoying them. I think we just had five children at that time and had not started the process to adopt TM. Society was constantly telling us five was a lot, so it was fascinating to watch a family with three times that many. I felt about it the way I felt about watching the show about the DeBolts when I was a child. Having dreamed of having many siblings, it definitely scratched that itch. I'll even admit that there wasn't a whole lot that raised any red flags for me then. I didn't know how large families worked and was actually a bit overwhelmed by it all. My views on the Duggars plummeted as our family size increased. I can't even watch scenes from that first special without cringing these days. 

And I did more than cringe as I watched Shiny Happy People; I felt physically ill it was all so bad. I really need the P. Family mom to watch it so I have someone to process with. (Hint, hint.) There's just a lot there. 

Superficially we seem to have a lot in common with the Duggars: 

• We have more than the usual number of children 
• We homeschool 
• We are Christian 
• I have stayed home to raise and teach my children 

But aside from these superficial similarities, we have nothing in common. And I'll admit that along with disgust, anger, and grief, irritation is right there in the top four emotions. I am incredibly annoyed that because of their dysfunction that others will make assumptions about our family that are totally incorrect... or about other large families I know.... or other homeschoolers... or other Christians. 

Our culture loves to think in dichotomies: either one thing or another with very little room for third choices or grey areas or degree. The one that I've been chewing on for the past couple of days is how the Duggar children were always so obedient and well behaved on screen but between the teachings of the IBLP, the Pearls whom they advocate, and evidence from outside family members, there was a lot of coercion behind the scenes in order to get the public face. This doesn't surprise me in the least. But the conclusion reached by various "experts" was then that no large family could have a calm household. It was as if they couldn't imagine a large, functioning family without a stick in the background insuring obedience. 

There is no stick here. Pretty much what you see when we're out and about is how life is at home. Well, there's more talking at home, some children still become mute in public. It is possible, but I takes a style of parenting that is completely at odds with IBLP and the Pearls. The experts' opinions actually tell me much more about their own views of parenting than anything else. 

I could go on and on, but you get the gist and I have sewing to do. Essentially, IBLP is a cult. It doesn't represent the Jesus of the Bible. It is possible to have many children and still live a pretty awesome life without corporal punishment, and the whole women are subject to men's authority is a crock made up by men who want an excuse to abuse women. 

To leave you with a better taste in your mouth, here is H.'s dress. It still needs handwork done and she needs to decide if she wants ruffles on the shoulders.