Introvert problems

Last night was the once a month inclusive game night that the disability committee at our church sponsors. We make it a whole family event which is really its purpose... a place where families can feel safe bringing their disabled children but also someplace where abled siblings can also have a place. It's always a lot of fun. 

Yesterday as a result was a lot of people-ing. I had an EAL client in the morning and then Y., L., and G. went to a homeschooled teen meetup with people we had never met before. Then when you add the game night at the end...  Well, I had nothing left.

It took me a very long time to figure myself out. I have pretty much always known that I need lots of alone time to function well. As a child, this often took the form of copious reading. But even knowing this I never really put together that there was a direct correlation between being social and needing to recover, even if that socializing was with friends I knew well and enjoyed spending time with. 

For years I would come home or close the front door having said goodbye to guests and just sit. Sometimes this sitting happened for quite a while. I couldn't bring myself to get up but was equally annoyed that I wasn't getting up and doing something. I would really wonder to myself why I was so lazy. 

I've been told my more than a few people over the years that I am pretty far from lazy that I have kind of dropped that self-critique. But it truly has only been in the last few years that I figured out that all those times of inertness on the couch was sheer recovery time from being with other people. Beats me why I was never able to connect the pretty blatant dots and cut myself a little slack. 

Recently I have been adding in recovery time to my mental plan for the day if I know I have outside activities. It gives me permission to take the rest I need and to not feel guilty about it.