Another puzzle piece falls into place

Fiber-wise, not much has changed in the past few days, so I'm going to wait until next week for Fiber Monday and hope I'll have something to share. Instead, I want to tell you about a little event from today.

I think that you all know that parenting R. has been challenging. One of the most challenging aspects has been the complete and sudden (at least to those of us looking on) significant disregulated behavior. Often we could discern absolutely no trigger for it. We would be going along just fine and then all of a sudden we would have a completely disregulated child who was so far gone that language or attempts at comfort could make no difference. We would just have to ride it out as best we could. Over the years, these occurrences have become fewer, but they would still happen every so often. 

For instance in the middle of lunch today. One minute R. is eating her lunch and the next minute she is writhing and screaming face down on the stairs. Everyone was baffled as none of us saw it coming. I went over and tried to comfort her and to see if I could figure out what was going on. Initially, trying to hug her was like trying to hug a board, she was that stiff and unyielding. I tried asking what was wrong. I don't know why, it's just what you do despite the fact that every single time in the past when asking this very same question it never gets answered. So I moved into asking some questions. Something hurting or feeling cold have been triggers in the past so I started there, not entirely hopeful that these questions will be answered either. This time, when asked if anything hurt, R. was able to grunt out a response... her eye hurt. (In inwardly groaned as this is never a good thing, eye pain being an aura for her PNES.) But this was different this time. She was pointing to above her eye, not to the eye itself. I asked what had happened to her eye and I was told that K. had shot her there. (With his Nerf gun. I knew what she was talking about.) I was a little baffled. K. was not down in the dining room while she ate and he certainly wasn't firing a Nerf gun. I ask a few more questions and other children in the area fill in the details. Earlier this morning, while I was out at the barn, K. and R. were having a Nerf gun fight, which both were enjoying. Yes, K. did accidentally shoot R. right above the eye, for which he had apologized. (And, R. had shot him in the head repeatedly, so turn about is fair play and all that.) This was hours before lunch. 

I helped R. see that this was not something that was happening right now, that there was no damage to her eye, and that actually all was well. We talked a bit about how she had probably been thinking about her fight with K. earlier and then focused on getting hit which made her body panic. She was able to start to regulate, take some deep, slow breaths, and went back to finish her lunch. 

Two things about this. First, I think this is a clue to all those instances of sudden and without warning disregulation. R.'s ability to perseverate is an awesome thing to behold. My guess is that, before she felt safe enough to communicate, that she would perseverate about whatever upsetting event crossed her mind. Her laser-like focus on this negative event would send her into a spiral and all of a sudden those of us on the outside of her head would have a very disregulated child on our hands. This also makes sense because he sense of time and of being in the present is very much a work in progress. It gets better all the time, but especially in the early years, her inability to know whether something was actually happening at that moment (as opposed to something being a memory) pretty much defined her life. 

Second, like so much that has happened over the past months, this is yet another instance of her being able to regulate herself (with support) when upset. Her felt safety, her trust in us, her ability to communicate with language, her own bodily awareness, and her ability to stay in the present moment all play into this new-found skill. It is an amazing thing to watch happen.