Time and safety and connection
Part of the problem was that she was losing her sight completely in one eye and partially in the other. I had reached out to the director of the rescue where she came from with my concerns and he assured me that he had seen this many times before. He helped calm my fears that this behavior was not permanent, but a reaction to her current situation. When she finally grew accustomed to her depleted sight, she would probably calm down. I'm not sure the behavior we saw was all due to her sight issues, but she was a challenging horse to work with.
She also seemed as though she was just not physically comfortable aside from her sight. We decided to officially retire her from any work (though she was a really excellent trail horse) and let her just be. (She has been recently put on some maintenance medicine, but I haven't really seen any improvement in her physical functioning and the medicine and the behavior I'm going to talk about do not really correlate.) We kept our interactions with her to a minimum, giving her the care she needed but pretty much not asking her to do anything that was challenging for her unless absolutely necessary.
Over this past year, I have watched her whole demeanor calm. This spring she was so much better, I took advantage of feeding time to spend some time just touching her and standing next to her. The second she moved away or felt this was too much, I stopped and went on with my next task. Her willingness to accept this contact slowly grew. She was becoming a much calmer horse.
The next thing I was aware of was that unlike in the past, where she spent her days perpetually making Emmy and Vienna move around, I realized that it was only rarely that she did that. More often than not, she would be content to just graze next to the other horses, not feeling the need to dominate them. I also noticed at this time that as Java walked by her stall as I was turning them out, Emmy no longer felt the need to reach out and try to bite Java every morning. Life in the pasture was more pleasant for everyone.
Finally, over the past few weeks, I realized that Java had ceased to be reactive to me. I could touch her all over both in her stall and out in the pasture and there was no effort on her part to try to turn and bite me. I was able to pick her hooves just loose in the pasture today without any issue. I can actually hug this horse around the neck now which is something I would never have attempted a year ago. Unsurprisingly, my own positive feelings towards Java have grown significantly, causing a very positive feedback loop between the two of us.
I didn't really need any more proof that creating a sense of safety and efforts at connection contribute to emotional calmness, but it is a spectacular example. When she first arrived here, I thought we were creating a safe environment for her, but even the little we asked of her was too hard. I can create safety all I want, but if the horse (or child) do not feel safe, it doesn't matter. And it was clear she didn't feel safe. She was telling us with everything she had to say that she was scared. I just chose to not listen to her at first. I had to give up my agenda for her, let her take her time, take off all pressure for her to finally relax enough to feel safe. And the second she felt safe, she was more than happy to enter into a relationship.
This is a time consuming process. It cannot be rushed. The person creating the safety must be willing to be humble enough to listen. Time and safety and connection equals attachment. It's that simple... and difficult.
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