Goal Conflict

It will come as no surprise to longtime readers when I say I can be somewhat insatiable when it comes to learning new things about my particular interests. This is why I can't decide if finally figuring out how to listen to podcasts is a good thing or not. It does kind of play into my particular learning compulsions. So while I muck the barn or while I am spinning, I am often listening to a podcast. Currently I am working my way through The Hidden Brain and Freakanomics. Because another of my little quirks is that I really dislike doing things out of order, I have started at the beginning of each podcast series and have been listening to them in order. So what I'm going to write about is from several years ago.

Today's Freakanomics episode (today as in the episode I am currently up to) was an interview with Angela Duckworth who wrote Grit. (Which is actually a book that is on my list to read some day, but not one I have gotten to yet.) The interview was in part about goal setting. It was interesting but not earth-shatteringly so. Well, until they got to the topic of goal conflict. At that point, I actually took out a pen to make some notes.

It is also no surprise that I have a lot of different interests; a lot of different interests that I would ideally love to have time to spend on each week. I have often bemoaned the fact that this just isn't possible. The idea of goal conflict caught my interest because it seems as though it is a permanent condition for me. I don't think goal conflict is unusual. Parents in particular can feel it because there is the constant desire to spend time with one's children while at the same time the desire to pursue individual interests. One of the interview participants called goal conflict corrosive. And I agree that if you are focused too much on what you are not doing but wish you were, then that is exactly what it feels like. 

Like so much of life, the solution to goal conflict is a combination of three things, according to Angela Duckworth. The first is to stop and reflect about what your different goals are. There needs to be conscious acknowledgement that these are the goals one has and why one has them. The second is sequencing. This is the step after reflection where is plan is made as to how to allocate one's time and why. If a parent is prioritizing spending time with a child because that child will be going to college in a year, then it is easier to be at peace with that decision. This step also involves knowing there is a plan so one doesn't have to be constantly worrying about whether or not other goals are going to be met; there is a plan. The third is being present, mindful, about the task at hand. Having reflected on what goals to have and why, a plan as to how to allocate time that makes sense for a particular phase of life, then it becomes possible to be fully present when working on a particular goal. The ability to be present or mindful about what one is doing also allows for the state of flow to occur. (See Flow by Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi) Being in a state of flow is to be fully present in what you are doing to the point where you lose a sense of time or other concerns. 

My multi-crafter tendencies are one of my areas where I can experience goal conflict. I really do want to be able to do all the things at once. When I am feeling overly conflicted, I find that I either do not want to do anything, being unable to settle on something, or I find little fulfillment and pleasure about what I am doing because I'm thinking about all the other projects I am not doing. But, when I do think about a plan (that reflecting piece)... deciding which project is going to get the bulk of my time so I can finish it and also knowing what project will come after that... I find it is much easier to settle down and actually enjoy what I am working on. Thought has been given, I know what I'm doing and why, and enjoyment happens. 

I think this three step process can be useful for any number of things in our lives. I can't think of anything that wouldn't be aided by first stopping to reflect, then creating a plan based on that reflection, followed by being purposefully aware of what you are doing as a result of that plan. It's a good thing to remember.