How (NOT) to succeed at homeschooling

I thought this might be helpful to some.***

1. Try to recreate brick-and-mortar school at home. 

We all know that the current American school system is the only way that children can learn anything of value, so be sure to try to recreate it as best you can. You tread in dangerous waters if you dare to go off the path in any way. You might even want to invest in some sort of bell to signal the end of each separate class period and creating hall passes to use the bathroom could be a dandy use for your printer and laminator. Be sure to separate each subject by itself, so that it is totally unconnected to any other subject. Spelling stays in spelling and science stays in science, people. We wouldn't want any child to get confused. You might find it tedious to occupy your child for six or so hours a day, but if you don't, you will be cheating them out of a decent education. Time in the seat is what counts. Sure, you may get burned out and think this homeschooling business isn't for you, but this is what it takes to really educate a child well.

2. Don't forget to grade everything.

If you don't grade everything how on earth will you know if your child did a good job or learned anything? How will your child know how they did if all their work does not have a grade marked at the top of the page? We may be homeschooling, but we have standards to keep! Those permanent files don't create themselves, you know. Yes, you may already know how your child is doing because you are working with them every day, but the learning just doesn't count until that grade is marked down. Plus, children have no idea if they have done something well without that external grade telling them. We would hate for children to believe they had any judgement in this matter. Just buy the grade book and the red pens now, at the beginning of the school year. You'll be glad you did.

3. Homework! 

Please, please, please, if you do anything be sure to assign homework. Yes, your child has been working at home all day, but without homework they might forget it over night. Plus, homework is such a fantastic way of developing organizational skills and diligence in a child. It would be a shame for a child to miss out on these things just because homework was omitted. Sure, it can put a crimp into family time after a long day at school, but isn't your child's education worth it? You can squeeze those family times in once they're grown and come home to visit every now and then. And just ignore all those pesky studies which seem to imply that homework has no benefit. If it had no benefit why are so many schools still sending it home? If everyone is doing it, it has to be good and right, yes?

4. Screens are important.

If you can do something on a screen, do make every effort to do so. Technology is just so beneficial, once again, you would hate your child to miss out. Our children are growing up in a world dominated by technology and if they don't learn it now, they will be behind and never get a job. Besides, if you do everything online, then your child has zero confusion over your role in their life. It is most certainly parent and not teacher. That just complicates things a bit too much. You might have gotten away with it when they were babies and toddlers, but as a child get older, it is just too difficult to navigate. Sure, conversation with a live person can be beneficial at times, but school is for learning and not socializing, don't you agree? You can save that for the 1.5 hours of your child's free time out of school. Besides, as a product of the public school system, there is no way you can possibly hope to educate your child in the manner they should be. Leave that to the professionals. 

5. Teaching reading is extremely difficult, so go about it carefully.

Don't even dream of trying to teach your child to read unless you have invested a significant sum of money on the proper curriculum. These are created by experts and proven to teach your child to read at a ridiculously early age, unless of course they don't, at which point you will have to invest in yet more curriculum designed for children who are behind in reading. If you aren't sure, that would be at age six. If they aren't reading fluently by then, intervention is most definitely needed if you want you child to be a fully functioning adult. Time is not on your side! Extra drills and exercises and workbooks are definitely called for. If something isn't working, then you really need to double-down immediately or you will ruin your child. 

6. Be sure to begin and end when the public schools do.

We all know that studies have shown that a certain number of days sitting in a school desk have been proven to cause the most learning to happen. If you do less, you run the risk of jeopardizing your child's future. If you don't work five days a week from the hours between 8am and 3pm, you are simply tempting fate. We all know that significant learning does not happen outside of school hours, so unless you want to watch your child's brain atrophy, be diligent about this. Extending summer vacation is not recommended. The dreaded summer slide can happen without warning and if it is not caught in time, your child could become behind. And since behind is such a dire diagnosis, from which very few children ever recover, avoiding behind at all costs is necessary. 

7. Do not encourage independent learning.

Unless the learning is part of the curriculum, then it doesn't count. Even worse, a child might learn something that is not recommended for their age and grade. By allowing them to learn about things outside the curriculum, they could possibly become disinterested in the scientifically chosen subjects they must learn in order to get into college. What kind of chaos would ensue if every child learned what they were interested in? The entire structure of learning would be endangered. Imagine if a sixth grader discovered that a third grader was learning that same thing they were. That sixth grader would immediately not want to learn that subject because it would be deemed babyish. A teacher's job is already difficult enough without having that to contend with. This is especially important if you are teaching multiple grades at home. You must do everything you can to keep everyone separate and not venture out of their assigned scope and sequence. There is a reason schools keep the ages segregated. You will do well to learn from their example.

With these seven helpful tips, I'm sure you will have a really wonderful school year. 

__________

***Satire - noun

The use of humor, irony, exaggeration, or ridicule to expose stupidity or vices. 

I feel the need to add that there are many very good teachers out there doing their best to teach students in a system I feel is irredeemably broken in many ways. I will never mock good teachers who are creating life enhancing lessons and developing students who are curious and interested in the world around them. My hat goes off to good teachers everywhere regardless of where they are teaching. It is the system and the people who blindly follow it without pondering what true learning actually is that sometimes pushes me over the edge and so you get blog posts such as this.