Play... or feeling a bit vindicated
I'm just about finished reading Integrative Parenting: Strategies for Raising Children Affected by Attachment Trauma by Debra Wesselmann, Cathy Schweitzer, and Stefanie Armstrong. It had been sitting on my pile of books for quite some times, and I decided, what with the past week and all, that perhaps this would be a good time to pick it up and read it. (About that... I don't remember where this book came from, but I'm 100% sure that I didn't purchase it. This means that someone gave it to me or loaned it to me. Please, if you did, let me know! And if you loaned it to me, I'm sorry I've been holding it hostage for such a long time. I can return it now.)
This is a very good book. I've read (and lived) so much of this, that it was basically a review for me, but I was impressed with how well done the book is. If you are new to the idea of connected parenting or if you are parenting a child from a hard place and feel at the end of your rope, I strongly encourage you to pick this up and read it. It is not very long and not only has good information, but also has good concrete examples of how to put that information into practice. It was designed to be used by parents in tandem with the child seeing a TBRI trained therapist, and I could see how that would be helpful. I also think that even if your child is not in therapy it would be an extremely valuable book to read through.
One think I loved, which I don't see in many books about parenting children with a traumatic past was an entire section on play. For instance, I love reading passages such as this one:
"Play is also an important component of your child's cognitive, emotional, and social development. If your child lacked play with attachment figures in her early life, this deprivation may have delayed her development in many areas. If your child missed play, she may now struggle with how to play, and her play may not look like the play of other children her age.
Play helps children learn about, express, and work through their own emotions and the emotions of others. Children even use play to conquer their fears. Play is an important component of developing skills in cooperation and friendship." (p. 43)
Or this:
" The absence of normal early play experiences may have impacted the course of your child's emotional and social development. ... The absence of opportunities to play may be related to his inability to express himself, connect cause and effect, and solve problems. Children who have not learned how to experience pleasure through play and friendships are at risk for turning to unhealthy ways to feel pleasure as teenagers." (pp. 44-45)
I love seeing views that I have been droning on about for years in books I agree with and by authors who have letters after their names. For too long play has been shunted aside by people who write about and educate children as something nice, but let's not forget the worksheets. By cutting off play too early and focus on activities and academics instead, we damage our children and make the job of learning that much more difficult. If this is true for our emotionally healthy children who live with their families of origin, imagine how much more this is true for children whose brains have been significantly changed by past trauma.
If you cannot get enough of me railing on and on about children and play, then take a look at some of these older posts which you might have missed in the hundreds of thousands of words I generate here.
This is from 2015 and I have read a lot more books on the subject in the intervening six years. I should redo this post at some point with an updated list.
If you've never read the story about H. playing with marbles helped H. do a math lesson, then you should read at least this post.
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