Forecast for this evening?

And some evenings when I sit down to write, I start hearing noises from the bedroom R. is in. Even though we've been in a much better spot these past few months, I will admit that one noise from her room and my adrenal system starts to work overtime. I can feel my heart rate increase even if I'm just sitting in a chair.

She's been a little 'off' all day, not acting her usual self, though it was a much calmer 'off' than we normally experience. It makes me think that the rules have changed again, and who knows what that means. Just when we think we have things figured out, too.

We have plenty of rescue meds in the house, so we should be alright. But I will probably lay awake for far longer than I should listening ever so intently. It's kind of like when you have a baby who doesn't like to sleep and you lay awake wondering if you heard the baby. Was that a cry? Will it keep going? No, maybe I was just imagining it, I should sleep. But what was that? Did I really hear that? All while you could actually be sleeping and taking advantage of the sleeping baby. It's just the same except that instead of feeling pretty sure you can calm the baby down, even if it means tucking the baby into bed with you, with R. we just never know what sleeplessness is going to look like if it happens.

Life can be a roller coaster.