Discounted humanity
There has been a meme that has been making the rounds, and while I know the people who share it mean well, every time I see it, it grates on my nerves just a little more. I thought it important to share what I find bothersome about it.
First, what the meme says.
"Sometimes angels are disguised as kids with special needs to teach us how to be better people."
There are two big issues I have with this idea. The first is the idea that people with special needs are angels. To suggest this is to completely discount their humanity. You know human, like any other typically abled person. It doesn't really matter which direction one goes, the problem lies in perpetuating the idea that someone with special needs is not quite human. Robbing someone of their humanity makes it that much easier to rationalize treating them as less than. Less than deserving of equal rights. Less than deserving of dignity. Less than deserving of kindness.
Here's the truth. A person with special needs is human. They have good days and bad days. They kind be kind or not so kind. They can be rude or polite. They have the same emotions and feelings, both good and bad, that anyone does. They are not angels, anymore than any person is. I know I wouldn't want to be saddled with that expectation. I could never live up to it. No one can.
Here's my second issue. A person with special needs does not exist so that the typically abled among us can become better people. That is not their job. Let's try it this way. What if I said to you that anyone with an IQ of less than 150 are put on earth so that the really smart among us can learn to communicate with people not as smart as they are? Doesn't sound so nice, does it. It kind of makes it seem that it is the really smart people who are the most important, and it is only their needs that matter. This is exactly how the idea of special needs people teaching others to be better sounds to my ears. It implies an imbalance of power and importance with one population existing to serve the needs of another.
I know at first glance that many people resonate with this idea, which is why I keep seeing it passed around. I know that many people, after getting to know those with special needs feel as though their eyes have been opened and they see the world differently. This happens to us all the time whether we realize it or not. We meet someone who might be different from ourselves, and because of the connection we build, our view of the world changes as a result. When we know better, we do better. But the onus is always on us, as individuals to do better. It is not on those who are different or have been marginalized or are unfamiliar.
The best gift we can give another person, regardless of their situation or uniqueness, is to treat that person as fully human... not to give them special powers or abilities, not to deify them, not to handle them with kid gloves... but to give them the dignity of assuming that in most ways they are more like ourselves than not.
(A terrific example of this happens in The Wheel on the School. I know I keep begging you to read it, if not to your children, then to yourself.)
First, what the meme says.
"Sometimes angels are disguised as kids with special needs to teach us how to be better people."
There are two big issues I have with this idea. The first is the idea that people with special needs are angels. To suggest this is to completely discount their humanity. You know human, like any other typically abled person. It doesn't really matter which direction one goes, the problem lies in perpetuating the idea that someone with special needs is not quite human. Robbing someone of their humanity makes it that much easier to rationalize treating them as less than. Less than deserving of equal rights. Less than deserving of dignity. Less than deserving of kindness.
Here's the truth. A person with special needs is human. They have good days and bad days. They kind be kind or not so kind. They can be rude or polite. They have the same emotions and feelings, both good and bad, that anyone does. They are not angels, anymore than any person is. I know I wouldn't want to be saddled with that expectation. I could never live up to it. No one can.
Here's my second issue. A person with special needs does not exist so that the typically abled among us can become better people. That is not their job. Let's try it this way. What if I said to you that anyone with an IQ of less than 150 are put on earth so that the really smart among us can learn to communicate with people not as smart as they are? Doesn't sound so nice, does it. It kind of makes it seem that it is the really smart people who are the most important, and it is only their needs that matter. This is exactly how the idea of special needs people teaching others to be better sounds to my ears. It implies an imbalance of power and importance with one population existing to serve the needs of another.
I know at first glance that many people resonate with this idea, which is why I keep seeing it passed around. I know that many people, after getting to know those with special needs feel as though their eyes have been opened and they see the world differently. This happens to us all the time whether we realize it or not. We meet someone who might be different from ourselves, and because of the connection we build, our view of the world changes as a result. When we know better, we do better. But the onus is always on us, as individuals to do better. It is not on those who are different or have been marginalized or are unfamiliar.
The best gift we can give another person, regardless of their situation or uniqueness, is to treat that person as fully human... not to give them special powers or abilities, not to deify them, not to handle them with kid gloves... but to give them the dignity of assuming that in most ways they are more like ourselves than not.
(A terrific example of this happens in The Wheel on the School. I know I keep begging you to read it, if not to your children, then to yourself.)
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