Some days
Some days, helping a child heal from past trauma feels like a never ending task.
Some days, you just are so tired of having to be the emotional stand-in for all the mothers who have left.
Some days, you would just like to ask a simple question and receive an easily given answer instead of it becoming an all day scream-fest followed by hours of disassociation.
Some days, it feels as though nothing is ever going to change or get better.
Some days, it would be pretty darn nice if the child who takes up so much of your day could just like you a little bit.
Some days, you wish you could control your temper just a little bit better.
Some days, it would be great to feel a little hope that things will get better, but the Swiss cheese that is her brain doesn't hold great promise for that.
Some days, you wonder how so much of life can be so very difficult for this child, yet when it involves getting something she really wants and doesn't want anyone to notice, her functioning seems extremely high.
Some days, you would give anything if this child could just look at you in the eye without it seeming as though it was physically painful.
Some days you feel more than a wee bit like a parental failure.
Some days you have to remind yourself that it is not unreasonable to ask a child to remove the extra sweatshirt when it is sunny and 80 degrees outside, even it that was the cause of the hours long rodeo.
Some days you still don't get your garden planted because you spend hours dealing with the child who didn't want to remove the sweatshirt.
Some days, to be honest, a small part of you wonders why you signed up for this.
Some days, you just hope that the next day is better.
Some days, realistically, you don't even care if the next day is better if you just get a full, uninterrupted night's sleep.
Some days, you also realize that it is entirely likely that you won't.
Some days, you just are so tired of having to be the emotional stand-in for all the mothers who have left.
Some days, you would just like to ask a simple question and receive an easily given answer instead of it becoming an all day scream-fest followed by hours of disassociation.
Some days, it feels as though nothing is ever going to change or get better.
Some days, it would be pretty darn nice if the child who takes up so much of your day could just like you a little bit.
Some days, you wish you could control your temper just a little bit better.
Some days, it would be great to feel a little hope that things will get better, but the Swiss cheese that is her brain doesn't hold great promise for that.
Some days, you wonder how so much of life can be so very difficult for this child, yet when it involves getting something she really wants and doesn't want anyone to notice, her functioning seems extremely high.
Some days, you would give anything if this child could just look at you in the eye without it seeming as though it was physically painful.
Some days you feel more than a wee bit like a parental failure.
Some days you have to remind yourself that it is not unreasonable to ask a child to remove the extra sweatshirt when it is sunny and 80 degrees outside, even it that was the cause of the hours long rodeo.
Some days you still don't get your garden planted because you spend hours dealing with the child who didn't want to remove the sweatshirt.
Some days, to be honest, a small part of you wonders why you signed up for this.
Some days, you just hope that the next day is better.
Some days, realistically, you don't even care if the next day is better if you just get a full, uninterrupted night's sleep.
Some days, you also realize that it is entirely likely that you won't.
Comments
Not being liked for years is a tough one, and unfortunately after 10 years it is better, but we are still not his first choice.
The melt downs have ended for the most part, replaced by moody and out of sorts for a few days. We just let it go until he comes back around.
Especially since we have made him a "social outcast", no Xbox and no learners permit at this stage.
Hang in there and hope for a quiet day to spend with you horse.
I always appreciate you blog since you are truthful about just how hard it can be and is. Unless you have adopted an older child you will never get it.
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