Combating the socialization issue
Be forewarned, I'm feeling a little kvetchy this evening. It is looking entirely possible that this barn will not be finished before Thanksgiving. This is upsetting in so many ways, I cannot even begin to list them all. I'm afraid it is not making me a pleasant person to be around.
It is also probably why I decided to remove myself from an online conversation yesterday. I try to maintain a pretty non-confrontational tone in online interactions, but my mood combined with my great weariness over the topic was not seeming like a good combination. So instead, I will just bombard you with my thoughts, and then go play with the two adorable kittens upstairs. (They are so cute when they play, and they are still so very tiny ]1 1/2 pounds each], that you just cannot believe they are real instead of teeny, tiny stuffed animals.)
What is the question that had me sighing out loud? It was the "S" word... or socialization in homeschoolers. Sometimes I just cannot quite believe this hasn't been put to rest yet. Why does it even need to be brought up, much less listed as an "Issue" in homeschooling? (And more often than not it is a non-homeschooler that has decided it is an issue based on an acquaintance or relation whom they know was a homeschooler.)
So let's talk a moment about this whole homeschooling socialization-thing, shall we? It is probably a good idea to look at a definition. According to the online dictionary which was the first hit in my web search, socialization is defined as: 1. The activity of mixing socially with others 2. The process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society. But you know what? Right of the bat, we have a problem. And it's a problem which shows a significant bias. There are two phrases under each definition to further show what is meant. The phrase for the first definition is, "socialization with students has helped her communication skills" and the second is, "preschool starts the process of socialization".
Our society's bias is clearly that schools are the only place where socialization happens. It's almost as if no one can conceive of the fact that schools aren't actually necessary to teach socialization. Good grief... how many of you have heard teachers utter the statement, "You are not here to socialize!" in utter frustration with an overly chatty class. I know I heard it more than once in during my school years.
Here's the deal, homeschoolers mix socially with others just fine. In fact, since many of them spend significant time out in the real world, they mix with a wide variety of people on a regular basis. When we were first contemplating the idea of homeschooling, one of the things that struck me the most was watching homeschoolers who were comfortable talking with adults and who then would turn around and happily entertain younger children.
Homeschoolers also seem to manage behaving in ways acceptable to society as well. My adult children have never had anyone approach them and ask, "Were you homeschooled?" because someone felt as though they were behaving oddly. I also know more than a few adults who were homeschooled who are not my children, all from a variety of families who each used somewhat different styles, and I guarantee that, other than finding them competent and personable, there is not anything about them that screams homeschooler... at least in the somewhat negative stereo-typical sense. And you know what else? They all know how to stand in line, too.
But let's cut to the chase, and address what everyone really means when they ominously intone the word, "Socialization." They mean that homeschoolers are so totally cloistered in their homes by their parents, that they have no way to make friends or see the broader world. I'm not going to say that there aren't some homeschoolers like this, but I don't know any of them personally, and I think the numbers are actually pretty small. It's not as though every single public schooled family is totally and completely emotionally healthy and comfortable with a wider world, either. Most homeschoolers I know are involved in a variety of activities, and have friends outside of the family.
Once again, as with so many perceived issues with homeschooling, this is not actually a homeschooling issue, but a human one. It's as if the nay-sayers think that every child in traditional school has huge amounts of friends and that they are never lonely. That's bunk. If you went to public school, I'm sure you can immediately picture that child who had no friends... or you may have even been that child. Being surrounded by 30 other children every day in a classroom does not mean that you have friends. Being surrounded by 30 other children every day does not mean that you are socialized. Being surrounded by 30 other children every day only means that you are surrounded by 30 other children every day.
Everyone is different. Some people like to have all 50 of their closest friends around them all the time. Other people find just a couple of good friends to be sufficient. And both are okay, as well as everything in between. Of course everyone has seasons where it seems they do not have the social capital that they need. This can happen with a move, when good friends move away, life changes, etc. But children make friends the same way adults do. You find groups with a common interest, take classes, become involved with your place of worship, volunteer, invite neighbors over, or just strike up conversations when you are out and about.
And just like everyone else, homeschoolers are no different. Some will be out and about every day, others are content with just one or two. When you are just starting out homeschooling, it can take a while to find your group of fellow homeschoolers you are comfortable with. As a homeschooling mom, this can feel hard at times, and there were certainly phases where I was a little jealous of public school moms who seemed to have an instant friend group just by dropping their child off at school. I had visions of them all having coffee together every day, while I sat by my child and listened to the slowest sounding out of The Cat in the Hat in world history. It helped a bit to learn that this fantastic round of socializing only really happened in my imagination and that public school moms often felt just as lonely as I did at that point.
So, when I use the phrase, "combat the socialization issue", that is exactly what I mean. It often feels like a battle that must be waged against misinformation, especially when it is the same misinformation that is brought up over and over again by people with no first hand experience. So there.
It is also probably why I decided to remove myself from an online conversation yesterday. I try to maintain a pretty non-confrontational tone in online interactions, but my mood combined with my great weariness over the topic was not seeming like a good combination. So instead, I will just bombard you with my thoughts, and then go play with the two adorable kittens upstairs. (They are so cute when they play, and they are still so very tiny ]1 1/2 pounds each], that you just cannot believe they are real instead of teeny, tiny stuffed animals.)
What is the question that had me sighing out loud? It was the "S" word... or socialization in homeschoolers. Sometimes I just cannot quite believe this hasn't been put to rest yet. Why does it even need to be brought up, much less listed as an "Issue" in homeschooling? (And more often than not it is a non-homeschooler that has decided it is an issue based on an acquaintance or relation whom they know was a homeschooler.)
So let's talk a moment about this whole homeschooling socialization-thing, shall we? It is probably a good idea to look at a definition. According to the online dictionary which was the first hit in my web search, socialization is defined as: 1. The activity of mixing socially with others 2. The process of learning to behave in a way that is acceptable to society. But you know what? Right of the bat, we have a problem. And it's a problem which shows a significant bias. There are two phrases under each definition to further show what is meant. The phrase for the first definition is, "socialization with students has helped her communication skills" and the second is, "preschool starts the process of socialization".
Our society's bias is clearly that schools are the only place where socialization happens. It's almost as if no one can conceive of the fact that schools aren't actually necessary to teach socialization. Good grief... how many of you have heard teachers utter the statement, "You are not here to socialize!" in utter frustration with an overly chatty class. I know I heard it more than once in during my school years.
Here's the deal, homeschoolers mix socially with others just fine. In fact, since many of them spend significant time out in the real world, they mix with a wide variety of people on a regular basis. When we were first contemplating the idea of homeschooling, one of the things that struck me the most was watching homeschoolers who were comfortable talking with adults and who then would turn around and happily entertain younger children.
Homeschoolers also seem to manage behaving in ways acceptable to society as well. My adult children have never had anyone approach them and ask, "Were you homeschooled?" because someone felt as though they were behaving oddly. I also know more than a few adults who were homeschooled who are not my children, all from a variety of families who each used somewhat different styles, and I guarantee that, other than finding them competent and personable, there is not anything about them that screams homeschooler... at least in the somewhat negative stereo-typical sense. And you know what else? They all know how to stand in line, too.
But let's cut to the chase, and address what everyone really means when they ominously intone the word, "Socialization." They mean that homeschoolers are so totally cloistered in their homes by their parents, that they have no way to make friends or see the broader world. I'm not going to say that there aren't some homeschoolers like this, but I don't know any of them personally, and I think the numbers are actually pretty small. It's not as though every single public schooled family is totally and completely emotionally healthy and comfortable with a wider world, either. Most homeschoolers I know are involved in a variety of activities, and have friends outside of the family.
Once again, as with so many perceived issues with homeschooling, this is not actually a homeschooling issue, but a human one. It's as if the nay-sayers think that every child in traditional school has huge amounts of friends and that they are never lonely. That's bunk. If you went to public school, I'm sure you can immediately picture that child who had no friends... or you may have even been that child. Being surrounded by 30 other children every day in a classroom does not mean that you have friends. Being surrounded by 30 other children every day does not mean that you are socialized. Being surrounded by 30 other children every day only means that you are surrounded by 30 other children every day.
Everyone is different. Some people like to have all 50 of their closest friends around them all the time. Other people find just a couple of good friends to be sufficient. And both are okay, as well as everything in between. Of course everyone has seasons where it seems they do not have the social capital that they need. This can happen with a move, when good friends move away, life changes, etc. But children make friends the same way adults do. You find groups with a common interest, take classes, become involved with your place of worship, volunteer, invite neighbors over, or just strike up conversations when you are out and about.
And just like everyone else, homeschoolers are no different. Some will be out and about every day, others are content with just one or two. When you are just starting out homeschooling, it can take a while to find your group of fellow homeschoolers you are comfortable with. As a homeschooling mom, this can feel hard at times, and there were certainly phases where I was a little jealous of public school moms who seemed to have an instant friend group just by dropping their child off at school. I had visions of them all having coffee together every day, while I sat by my child and listened to the slowest sounding out of The Cat in the Hat in world history. It helped a bit to learn that this fantastic round of socializing only really happened in my imagination and that public school moms often felt just as lonely as I did at that point.
So, when I use the phrase, "combat the socialization issue", that is exactly what I mean. It often feels like a battle that must be waged against misinformation, especially when it is the same misinformation that is brought up over and over again by people with no first hand experience. So there.
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