Children and motivation
How can I help my child become motivated? It's a question that I see come up a lot, and it doesn't seem to matter if you are homeschooling or not. The trouble with answering this question is that the question can mean different things to different people. It's not a straight-forward thing.
'How can I help my child become motivated?' can mean 'How can I get him to work independently?' Or it can mean, 'How can I help my child work diligently and not get distracted and waste time?' Or it can mean, 'How can I get her to care about things and take time with them?' And oftentimes, underneath all those different question is the real issue of, 'How can I get my child to do what I want and when I want it?' That doesn't always sound so complimentary to the parent, though.
There are really two issues here. One is of distractability and the other is of cooperation. Let's start with cooperation. I find that it is the rare child who is not motivated. (My R. is one of these. You can't be motivated with no internal life, but even then there are still a few things which really do motivate her... food, hugs, and her baby doll.) If a child is interested in something, they are usually motivated to pursue it. If you have a Lego-obsessed child, you know what this motivation looks like. They eat, live, breath, and discuss Legos endlessly. You cannot stop them from doing the whole Lego-thing. You wish you could stop them from doing the whole Lego-thing. Other children have other interests which they pursue with absolute zeal. Usually though, what a child's interests are and the areas where they are motivated to dig deep and work hard, are not the same interests that we parents wish they would pursue. Doing homework or other assigned by adult tasks are often not on the child's short list of interests.
So how to get a child interested in doing parent approved and appreciated school work? I can only speak to the homeschooling side of things here, because that is what I know and what I have experience with. This is also one of those areas where I think it is much easier to be a homeschooler. While there are things that I think my children really do need to know, and I make them non-negotiable (and no, my children tend to not enjoy them, but one really does need math skills. Writing grammatically correct sentences is also a need in my book, as is legible handwriting), there are so many other things that can be negotiable. It's why boxed curricula and I just do not get along very well. They provide no flexibility for me to tailor what we learn to what is academically satisfying to my children. (Plus they also tend to be filled with busy work.) It is so much easier to work with a child's desires and interests than to work against them.
I find this teaming up to be beneficial in other ways, too. It tells your child that you really do care about their opinions. It puts you in their corner. It helps your relationship which really does filter into every other aspect of your life together. My children put up with my shoulds, because I also give them a lot of what they want. Of course you can find ways to incorporate Legos or blocks or toy cars or whatever into your child's work. If a child is balking at what you are asking her to do, take a step back and think about why you are asking. Also think about the balance of power. Are you only ever asking a child to do what you want without taking that child's interests and desires into account? How would you feel if your boss did this to you at work? We are so often willing to treat our children in ways that we would never put up with in the adult world.
The second aspect of motivation is one of attention and distraction. Parents wonder how they can help keep their child motivated, as in how they can keep that child on track through the school day. My first thought about this is to wonder if what of being asked of the child is actually developmentally possible due to the age and maturity of the child. Is the child being asked to do something that they just aren't capable of at the moment? Even if the parent would really, really like them to be more independent.
From my experience, it isn't until a child is in the high school age range that they have the cognitive skills to manage their time and keep to a schedule. In the ages leading up to that, I certainly do things which help them start developing these skills, but it takes a lot of parental management to work to a point when it doesn't take a lot of parental management. So my first hint is to check your expectations. It just might be that your child cannot manage a really long checklist at this point... or any checklist... or just working without someone to remind him that what he should be doing is working.
Next, children need breaks. Some children need a lot of breaks. Some children need a lot of breaks with a lot of protein snacks mixed in. And some children need all of this plus a chance to do some large muscle movement in between. A child who can work off some energy and let her brain rest every 20 to 30 minutes or so is a child who will be more focused and easier to live with. Aren't we all supposed to get up and move around every 20 minutes or so now, anyway?
Children who are particularly fidgety will need some extra support. I love our Time Timer. It is a visual timer which shows in red how much time is left for whatever you set it for. A child can visually see the time getting smaller. I believe this helps in two ways. First, it shows the child in a really easy to understand way, how much time for something is left. The bright color does not need to be translated from numbers to something meaningful... it is meaningful right away. Second, it shows the child that this current torture (whatever it is perceived to be) will not last forever. If there is an ending time, I find my children to be much more willing to work, because they can see the end. It is the unknown, 'forever-ness' of something that can cause a child to drag his feet. He thinks, "Why should I work? I'm going to be doing this forever anyway." Children are not good at seeing that if they just buckled down and got something done, that would be it. They live too much in the present, and can only imagine what they are doing then.
Another good fidgety help is a sitting disk or some other cushioned seat that provides sensory input. I find the difference between using one and not to be pretty substantial for some of my children. Or you could let the child work standing up or on a balance ball. I've even had a child complete an entire math page while jumping up and down. There is no rule which says all schoolwork must be completed sitting at a desk or table with no breaks, or it doesn't count.
There are endless ideas of helping distracted students on the internet, so I really don't need to go into all of them. The point really is, figure out what needs your child has, and help meet them. Even if it means leaving your own personal comfort zone a bit.
Finally, one last thing to consider. If your child is taking what you consider to be far too long to do the work which is assigned, I would ask yourself, does he need to do it? Or does he need as much of it? Could every other problem, or every third problem suffice? If she understands how to work the math problems, does she even need to do that much? Is there something intrinsically beneficial about this particular work, or is the child being asked to do it merely because it comes next in the book and is there? More is not always better, more is sometimes just more.
'How can I help my child become motivated?' can mean 'How can I get him to work independently?' Or it can mean, 'How can I help my child work diligently and not get distracted and waste time?' Or it can mean, 'How can I get her to care about things and take time with them?' And oftentimes, underneath all those different question is the real issue of, 'How can I get my child to do what I want and when I want it?' That doesn't always sound so complimentary to the parent, though.
There are really two issues here. One is of distractability and the other is of cooperation. Let's start with cooperation. I find that it is the rare child who is not motivated. (My R. is one of these. You can't be motivated with no internal life, but even then there are still a few things which really do motivate her... food, hugs, and her baby doll.) If a child is interested in something, they are usually motivated to pursue it. If you have a Lego-obsessed child, you know what this motivation looks like. They eat, live, breath, and discuss Legos endlessly. You cannot stop them from doing the whole Lego-thing. You wish you could stop them from doing the whole Lego-thing. Other children have other interests which they pursue with absolute zeal. Usually though, what a child's interests are and the areas where they are motivated to dig deep and work hard, are not the same interests that we parents wish they would pursue. Doing homework or other assigned by adult tasks are often not on the child's short list of interests.
So how to get a child interested in doing parent approved and appreciated school work? I can only speak to the homeschooling side of things here, because that is what I know and what I have experience with. This is also one of those areas where I think it is much easier to be a homeschooler. While there are things that I think my children really do need to know, and I make them non-negotiable (and no, my children tend to not enjoy them, but one really does need math skills. Writing grammatically correct sentences is also a need in my book, as is legible handwriting), there are so many other things that can be negotiable. It's why boxed curricula and I just do not get along very well. They provide no flexibility for me to tailor what we learn to what is academically satisfying to my children. (Plus they also tend to be filled with busy work.) It is so much easier to work with a child's desires and interests than to work against them.
I find this teaming up to be beneficial in other ways, too. It tells your child that you really do care about their opinions. It puts you in their corner. It helps your relationship which really does filter into every other aspect of your life together. My children put up with my shoulds, because I also give them a lot of what they want. Of course you can find ways to incorporate Legos or blocks or toy cars or whatever into your child's work. If a child is balking at what you are asking her to do, take a step back and think about why you are asking. Also think about the balance of power. Are you only ever asking a child to do what you want without taking that child's interests and desires into account? How would you feel if your boss did this to you at work? We are so often willing to treat our children in ways that we would never put up with in the adult world.
The second aspect of motivation is one of attention and distraction. Parents wonder how they can help keep their child motivated, as in how they can keep that child on track through the school day. My first thought about this is to wonder if what of being asked of the child is actually developmentally possible due to the age and maturity of the child. Is the child being asked to do something that they just aren't capable of at the moment? Even if the parent would really, really like them to be more independent.
From my experience, it isn't until a child is in the high school age range that they have the cognitive skills to manage their time and keep to a schedule. In the ages leading up to that, I certainly do things which help them start developing these skills, but it takes a lot of parental management to work to a point when it doesn't take a lot of parental management. So my first hint is to check your expectations. It just might be that your child cannot manage a really long checklist at this point... or any checklist... or just working without someone to remind him that what he should be doing is working.
Next, children need breaks. Some children need a lot of breaks. Some children need a lot of breaks with a lot of protein snacks mixed in. And some children need all of this plus a chance to do some large muscle movement in between. A child who can work off some energy and let her brain rest every 20 to 30 minutes or so is a child who will be more focused and easier to live with. Aren't we all supposed to get up and move around every 20 minutes or so now, anyway?
Children who are particularly fidgety will need some extra support. I love our Time Timer. It is a visual timer which shows in red how much time is left for whatever you set it for. A child can visually see the time getting smaller. I believe this helps in two ways. First, it shows the child in a really easy to understand way, how much time for something is left. The bright color does not need to be translated from numbers to something meaningful... it is meaningful right away. Second, it shows the child that this current torture (whatever it is perceived to be) will not last forever. If there is an ending time, I find my children to be much more willing to work, because they can see the end. It is the unknown, 'forever-ness' of something that can cause a child to drag his feet. He thinks, "Why should I work? I'm going to be doing this forever anyway." Children are not good at seeing that if they just buckled down and got something done, that would be it. They live too much in the present, and can only imagine what they are doing then.
Another good fidgety help is a sitting disk or some other cushioned seat that provides sensory input. I find the difference between using one and not to be pretty substantial for some of my children. Or you could let the child work standing up or on a balance ball. I've even had a child complete an entire math page while jumping up and down. There is no rule which says all schoolwork must be completed sitting at a desk or table with no breaks, or it doesn't count.
There are endless ideas of helping distracted students on the internet, so I really don't need to go into all of them. The point really is, figure out what needs your child has, and help meet them. Even if it means leaving your own personal comfort zone a bit.
Finally, one last thing to consider. If your child is taking what you consider to be far too long to do the work which is assigned, I would ask yourself, does he need to do it? Or does he need as much of it? Could every other problem, or every third problem suffice? If she understands how to work the math problems, does she even need to do that much? Is there something intrinsically beneficial about this particular work, or is the child being asked to do it merely because it comes next in the book and is there? More is not always better, more is sometimes just more.
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