Thursday, April 19, 2012

Some things are hard

I was going to take some time and write out how I go about planning unit studies, but that will have to wait for another day. Instead, today I have been taking care of my children. H. has her new glasses and so far she is happily wearing them. I will have more to report on that front after she has used them a little bit.

I have also bitten the bullet and made an appointment for TM. I love my boy so much, but something is just not right. I want him to be happy and joyful instead of anxious and so easily upset. It is difficult  for us to navigate his behaviors sometimes, but I imagine it is even harder for him to live with whatever is going on inside of him. I want to be able to help and I'm all out of ideas. I had no idea that making that phone call would be so difficult. I am just so sad about it all. Sad that I don't seem to be able to help him, sad over the time we've lost when perhaps I should have found him help sooner, sad that there are things in his past that have caused him so much pain. Just sad. It has completely caught me off guard.

And I know this is not true, but there is a small part of me that feels like a failure. On some gut level I feel as though I have failed my son. I want to make everything all better for him and I can't. Parenting is hard.

6 comments:

LawMommy said...

You have not failed him. Not in any sense of the word.

Sara said...

I agree with LawMommy, and I will promise to lift you and TM up to the LORD in prayer!

Amy said...

It is so hard when one's child is struggling. Have things gotten worse since adopting H and visiting China? We were not really expecting it but our ten year old son (adopted at age 2) was absolutely miserable for about 6 weeks after we adopted our two boys last May. The worst behavior started about 2-3 weeks after we all got home from China. He had some really outrageous behavior that we had never seen before. I know TM has had many issues in the past but things might be looking much worse right now because of the transition, especially since H is relatively close to his age.

I also wanted to mention that working on a life book with TM might be something that could help him better process his past if you haven't done one already. I would be happy to email you an example of one if you ever need one.

Praying God leads you to whatever will most help TM. Only God knows what that is and so don't forget that it is more His job to help TM than your job since from the sounds of it, you have done everything you could do using your own intellect. By the way, this advice is easy to give but very hard for me to follow in my own life. I tend to also feel the whole weight of responsibility for healing my children. I know this is unhealthy but it is hard to change when I am a person who likes to fix things and is often pretty good at it. Sending prayers your way.

The Wellspring said...

We do not know each other, but I work at NPU. I meant to respond to your request for a counselor. I inquired with a friend whose son has been through a lot. He is adopted and there have been some issues. Anyway - that is making a long story short. :) Her note to me is below:

"I don't mind sharing her information at all - we really like her....she has a very upbeat, accepting, loving way with working with ***. She is a Christian, though doesn't talk about that or bring it up a lot, but it is a part of who she is. I don't know how she feels about home schooling, but don't think she would pressure someone either way. She did say that she thought the structure and routine (and predictability) of school is good for "kids like ***" but that doesn't mean she wouldn't support another avenue. Anyway, here's her info:

Kay Holler
773-583-3641 Ext. 1
773-338-5895
kayholler@hotmail.com
fax: 773-381-1450
3420 W. Foster, Store A"

The Wellspring said...

Realizing that my commentary about the child who has "been through a lot" is not accurate. The PARENTS have been through a lot with the child because of behavioral issues, anxiety, etc. Please feel free to email if you have any questions. :)

buzzards2 at gmail.com

Mercy said...

One way to help yourself process this excellent decision might be to remember that every now and then it can be helpful to visit a place where we can say whatever we want. Without worrying about repeating ourselves(repetition is universal in therapy), or maybe hurting someone's feelings (therapists are trained to deal with hostility and verbal abuse), or having to think about sharing the conversation and being polite to others. Even the most loving, supportive household can't sustain much "uncensored" conversation--whereas therapy thrives on just that kind of talking.

There's a big difference between the loving support that only a family can provide, and the therapeutic support that only a neutral-but-caring outsider can offer. They can't replace each other, but they can complement each other very well.

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