I was going to take some time and write out how I go about planning unit studies, but that will have to wait for another day. Instead, today I have been taking care of my children. H. has her new glasses and so far she is happily wearing them. I will have more to report on that front after she has used them a little bit.
I have also bitten the bullet and made an appointment for TM. I love my boy so much, but something is just not right. I want him to be happy and joyful instead of anxious and so easily upset. It is difficult for us to navigate his behaviors sometimes, but I imagine it is even harder for him to live with whatever is going on inside of him. I want to be able to help and I'm all out of ideas. I had no idea that making that phone call would be so difficult. I am just so sad about it all. Sad that I don't seem to be able to help him, sad over the time we've lost when perhaps I should have found him help sooner, sad that there are things in his past that have caused him so much pain. Just sad. It has completely caught me off guard.
And I know this is not true, but there is a small part of me that feels like a failure. On some gut level I feel as though I have failed my son. I want to make everything all better for him and I can't. Parenting is hard.