Finding my way

There are a lot of things I'm good at and enjoy doing. (This isn't meant to brag; it's just a statement of fact. There are also a lot of things I'm not good at... accounting in any form, car mechanics, tennis to name a few.) The trouble with being good at many things that you enjoy is that it is hard to settle. I flit instead... doing one thing for a while, then another. As much as this is true for my avocations, it was also true when I envisioned what I wanted to do with my life. There are so many avenues that I find interesting that for a long time, I couldn't figure out what to focus on because I knew that by focusing on one, it meant setting aside the others. Since I'm a bit commitment phobic in certain areas of my life (it's why I chose long wires to hang a rotating array of pictures in the old house on the lovely giant wall in my kitchen instead of committing to one set of permanent pictures), it became a fairly constant prayer that God show me what I really wanted to do. I truly didn't know. 

This was quite a few years ago before we moved. The move answered one of my questions. I had always lived in suburban or urban areas, I had never lived farther out of town without neighbors all up and down the street. I thought I would enjoy it, but I wasn't sure. It turns out I love living out of town. I actually wouldn't mind if we lived even further out of town. I love the peace. I love the space. 

Before we moved, I thought I would enjoy having horses and other outdoor animals, but once again I wasn't sure. Would I be able to manage the daily, physical work of caring for them? I tend towards sedentary, but maybe that wasn't set in stone. What if I hated it? Once again, having horses and other animals has shown me that I don't mind the daily, physical work. I actually kind of enjoy it. (Well, not when it is 20 below, but I'm not sure that anyone enjoys that.) I was also worried that I would never be able to travel again. I love travelling. Having lots of animals and travelling seemed mutually exclusive. Since I've been to London and Amsterdam since we've moved and acquired animals, I guess it's safe to say that this is a worry I can put to rest. It's more challenging making arrangements for animal care, but it can be done. 

As the years progressed, I felt I was narrowing down my interests and focus, but my intellectual reading still kind of seemed all over the board. This didn't seem quite so big a hurdle because I can continue doing my own reading on any subject I wanted, but I still felt it showed a pretty scattered degree of interests that wasn't really being narrowed down. And then, while I was taking a break from volunteering with the therapeutic riding program I had been active with due to R.'s extremely unpredictable functioning, I came across equine facilitated learning.

I had been familiar with from past research, which is probably why it struck me when I came across it again. The appeal of the combination of horses, weird brain stuff, education, connection, personal change, and helping others, especially if those others were parents of children who were challenging to raise, felt kind of irresistible. At the same time I found an online accrediting program that sounded really good. The dates worked, I liked everything I found out about it, and the stimulus check meant that we could pay for it. Working towards the certification level seemed the best way to see if it really was a good fit.

The certification training ended today and it felt bittersweet. I loved every minute of it. The people in the class as well as the facilitators were fantastic. Spending 3+ hours on Zoom with them all once a week was something I looked forward to. (And if you know me in person, you know my deep and abiding distaste for all things Zoom.) The homework and readings were interesting, with my reading list having many books added to it. Having to do the exercises myself was actually far more illuminating than I had thought they would be. I truly loved every minute of earning this.

I loved it so much that next week I will be starting in again to earn my diploma in equine facilitated learning. It is a much longer, more in-depth process with more case studies to write, more supervision of multiple client sessions, more study in general. I'm looking forward to it all. 

For those who missed my explanation of what equine facilitated learning (EFL) is... EFL is using horses to reflect a person's emotional and physical state in order for that person to become more self-aware. Then, along with the horse, the person makes changes in order to experience what change can feel like in order to bring that same sense to different aspects of their regular life. It is not therapy and I am not a therapist. Clients agree that they are responsible for their own mental health. 

One reason it so interests me is that having parented children who are challenging due to their pasts, I have learned the hard and painful way that in order to help my children heal, I had to make changes in myself first. If there is any way I can help other parents in the same situation come to the same realizations in an easier way than I did, I'm all for it. 

I have one practice client all set, but I will need at least two more willing to come out for a set of three to four sessions. Let me know if you're interested.