Finding margin
I make no secret of the fact that I do not like to be busy, and the past few days have confirmed that being too busy is not how I function best. As I write this, though, I realize that I need to do a little defining.
When I use the word busy, I mean overly committed to outside activities and things to do. For me, this is anything such as appointments or classes I need to drive to, things I need to get done because there is a deadline, or tasks such as grocery shopping that I need to leave the house to do. It can also be things that are enjoyable and that I want to do. Outside busyness is not all negative. To me, busyness is different from keep oneself occupied. I rarely sit during the day, and when I do the chances are good that I am reading something. There is a great difference between outside directed busyness and inner directed occupation.
The past couple of weeks have felt busy, meaning that there were more places to drive to and go to than normal, plus there were some things that had deadlines which were hanging over my head. This all added up to mean that there was little time for me to pursue the activities that I wanted to do. (And you know if must have felt particularly crazy since I didn't even blog, which is somewhat recreational for me.) Being a genuine introvert, this means that the time I needed to rest and recharge was also missing. I need this time, or I start to become a little frazzled, and my not fantastic levels of patience plummet precipitously.
This was the scene yesterday morning. I could already feel a bit on edge as we started school, and things didn't improve as the morning wore on. I had an article due which had turned into something I very much did not want to write, and it was already late. This combined with the fact that I was already running on reserves did not do wonders for my ability to be a kind and caring mother. Before we had even gone an hour, I found myself becoming not so terribly kind with a hard tone in my voice. For once, I made a good decision when faced with this scenario.
Usually, I stubbornly keep going, because that was what was on the schedule, and by golly, that was what we were going to do even if it killed us all. I can tell you, this scenario never ended well. Instead, I decide to make the spur of the moment announcement that I was cancelling school, I was going to take care of what I had been worrying about, and perhaps when that was done, I would be a more pleasant mother. Oh, and I was sorry I was in such a rotten mood, and stomped upstairs. No one was terribly sorry that the morning could be spent playing.
All of this makes me realize that for my own well being, and for the well being of my family, I need to be vigilant about preserving the margin I so desperately need to function well. And I need a lot of margin. Even one day of having a full plate, where I'm going from activity to activity with little time in between, means that I need a few days to recover. If I have a string of days that are over full, my reserves are so shot that I become cross, grumpy, and generally unpleasant.
I used to see this as some moral failing, that I couldn't go non-stop. Now I just see it as how I am wired, and if I work with it, life goes along pretty well. It does make me wonder if I am not the anomaly I sometimes feel. I have a sneaking suspicion that there are a lot more people out there who would be calmer and more content if they could drop a few things and give themselves more windows of rest. People seem to be so afraid of not doing everything, particularly when it comes to their children.
I'm now seriously looking at my schedule and determining if there are things that can be changed to put a little more margin back into my week. Currently I have one day where I am not driving anywhere, and I'm wondering if I could make that two days. It would be heavenly to have that, but it means figuring out a different day for grocery shopping. I might not be able to swing that. I'll have to see.
Anyway, I know once I get my life feeling a little more under control, I will feel that much calmer. I also know that the more calm I am, the more calm my children are. Everyone is happier.
When I use the word busy, I mean overly committed to outside activities and things to do. For me, this is anything such as appointments or classes I need to drive to, things I need to get done because there is a deadline, or tasks such as grocery shopping that I need to leave the house to do. It can also be things that are enjoyable and that I want to do. Outside busyness is not all negative. To me, busyness is different from keep oneself occupied. I rarely sit during the day, and when I do the chances are good that I am reading something. There is a great difference between outside directed busyness and inner directed occupation.
The past couple of weeks have felt busy, meaning that there were more places to drive to and go to than normal, plus there were some things that had deadlines which were hanging over my head. This all added up to mean that there was little time for me to pursue the activities that I wanted to do. (And you know if must have felt particularly crazy since I didn't even blog, which is somewhat recreational for me.) Being a genuine introvert, this means that the time I needed to rest and recharge was also missing. I need this time, or I start to become a little frazzled, and my not fantastic levels of patience plummet precipitously.
This was the scene yesterday morning. I could already feel a bit on edge as we started school, and things didn't improve as the morning wore on. I had an article due which had turned into something I very much did not want to write, and it was already late. This combined with the fact that I was already running on reserves did not do wonders for my ability to be a kind and caring mother. Before we had even gone an hour, I found myself becoming not so terribly kind with a hard tone in my voice. For once, I made a good decision when faced with this scenario.
Usually, I stubbornly keep going, because that was what was on the schedule, and by golly, that was what we were going to do even if it killed us all. I can tell you, this scenario never ended well. Instead, I decide to make the spur of the moment announcement that I was cancelling school, I was going to take care of what I had been worrying about, and perhaps when that was done, I would be a more pleasant mother. Oh, and I was sorry I was in such a rotten mood, and stomped upstairs. No one was terribly sorry that the morning could be spent playing.
All of this makes me realize that for my own well being, and for the well being of my family, I need to be vigilant about preserving the margin I so desperately need to function well. And I need a lot of margin. Even one day of having a full plate, where I'm going from activity to activity with little time in between, means that I need a few days to recover. If I have a string of days that are over full, my reserves are so shot that I become cross, grumpy, and generally unpleasant.
I used to see this as some moral failing, that I couldn't go non-stop. Now I just see it as how I am wired, and if I work with it, life goes along pretty well. It does make me wonder if I am not the anomaly I sometimes feel. I have a sneaking suspicion that there are a lot more people out there who would be calmer and more content if they could drop a few things and give themselves more windows of rest. People seem to be so afraid of not doing everything, particularly when it comes to their children.
I'm now seriously looking at my schedule and determining if there are things that can be changed to put a little more margin back into my week. Currently I have one day where I am not driving anywhere, and I'm wondering if I could make that two days. It would be heavenly to have that, but it means figuring out a different day for grocery shopping. I might not be able to swing that. I'll have to see.
Anyway, I know once I get my life feeling a little more under control, I will feel that much calmer. I also know that the more calm I am, the more calm my children are. Everyone is happier.
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Sana