Wednesday, February 22, 2017

Some days the words don't come

I have sat staring at this computer for far longer than I should have today, hoping for some type of blog post to fall from my fingers. So far, there's nothing there. While I would like to tell you that it was because I was being incredibly productive elsewhere... packing boxes, organizing, taking care of children... it isn't. Well, I did go to an orthodontist appointment with K. and picked P. up from the stable, but that was it. This is my second day of extreme malaise. I just can't get myself moving in any productive way. (Yes, it happens to the best of us.) Instead, I sit around and wonder why I'm sitting around, figuratively feeling as though I'm banging my head against a brick wall.

Brick wall 1

I stare at houses on Zillow. I am finding it difficult to live in this limbo. Knowing I have got to get this house together so we can sell it, but in reality it feels very remote that we will be selling and moving. If I knew where we would be moving to next, it would feel more real and more motivating. But, in reality, I can't know the where... we can't even begin looking for the where.. until we have an offer on this house. It always comes down to money, you know. So I will have to find something else to motivate me.

Brick wall 2

I spend a lot of time reminding people that children from hard places really did come from hard places and it affected their brains. Of course, they are not going to learn like children from stable and healthy backgrounds. Why should they? Oh how I wish that the people preparing adoptive families to adopt children would mention the post-adoption learning issues that often go hand-in-hand.

Brick wall 3

I advocate for children who need a family. Particularly a little girl like two of my own girls. I know their diagnosis is scary sounding. I know it's a leap of faith. But we are still talking about a child's life here. It's frustrating. I don't know how to convince people that parenting a child with an intellectual disability is not really all that different from parenting a neurotypical child. Both have their challenges, they are just different challenges. I don't actually think in reality it ends up being that big of a deal and I don't know how to get people to believe me. And still a little girl sits, wasting her childhood, when she could be in a family receiving love and support.


Shecki Grtlyblesd said...

Oh, how I feel you on #2! For me, it's wanting to preserve my girls' privacy and speak of them in positive ways on my blog. But oh, the holes! There are holes in their life experiences, in their knowledge, in their abilities. And it comes out in the school room. Honestly, we've decided to put the children in private school next year so I can be "mom" and someone else can be "teacher."

maria matthias said...

Yes to what you and Shecki said. And Wall#3, the broken heart pieces that are left in China. When you know where a priceless treasure is, and you stand there pointing, and no one runs to claim the treasure. :(

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