Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Oh, the times I fail

I sip my coffee in bed waiting for my brain to catch-up with body in the waking up process when horrible noises erupt from the kitchen. I continue to sip, eyes closed, hoping the horrible noises with stop and I can continue the waking up process in peace. They don't stop. They get louder. I grit my teeth and drink my coffee telling myself it will all be better in a minute, knowing if I go down right now, in a teeth gritting mood, I won't be helping the situation. I take another sip. The noise continues to worsen. I can't take it anymore, so throw off the covers, and storm downstairs. And just as I predicted, I don't help. In fact, things were starting to settle down when I stir the pot with my angry outburst and do indeed make things worse. When J. appears in the kitchen (he was in the shower while this was all happening), I refill my coffee cup, head back upstairs, and climb back into bed hoping to be able to pretend the day is just beginning instead of having gone south within five minutes of waking up.

I wish I could say that my self-imposed restart to the day worked and the rest of them morning went swimmingly, but that wouldn't be truthful. Having been confronted with an ogre of a mother first thing in the morning, everyone was still on edge, and while the ogre was put back in the cage, the mother was still on edge as well. Let's just say it was not our most productive morning of work.

By 11 am, I had managed to calm my emotions enough that I was willing to make a concerted effort to redeem the morning. I had planned to start our book writing project today, and gosh darn it we were going to do it. I gathered the children around me and announced we were going to read some book about making books. Now, the single biggest sign that I have made the right decision in changing courses happened, because the children grudgingly gathered around me and then looked at what I had in my hand. "Hey, they're picture books! We're going to read picture books! Is this all we're going to read?" I guess I wasn't the only one who was finding our previous studies a bit on the dull side. So we read picture books about how books were made and about how artists thought about the pictures they drew and about how authors develop the stories they write. And they were excited. "When are we going to write out books?" "What size should they be?" "How many pages will I have?" "What if I don't want any pictures?" "What if I want a lot of pictures?" And so on.

There were two lessons I was reminded of from this less than ideal morning. First, when everyone is grousing at each other and no one is happy, sometimes a change of activity is what it takes to change the general mood. And not just any activity, but one that everyone is doing together with Mom. No doubt Mom's mood was a huge contributing factor, so she must be involved as well the reset activity.

The second is that God picks us up and loves us no matter how many times we fail. He knows we're not perfect, and He's there to catch us and put us back on the right path when we fall. If we're running towards Him, there is no end to the number of times He will do this for us. I've had the lyrics to the song From the Inside Out by Hillsong United in my head a lot today.

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart and my soul, I give You control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise, become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

My Soul cries out to You
My Soul cries out to You
to You, to You

My heart, my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out
From the inside out, O my soul cries out.
_________________

Don't forget little Chad. He is 9 years old and has always lived in an institution. An institution with severe neglect. No one has ever even asked to look at his file. Pray that God will not let this little one become invisible. Pray that his parents will find him and show him what it means to be loved. A mother who recently saw him described him as tiny and still learning to walk. (At 9!)

He looks like a sweetheart with his curly hair. Pray, pray, pray that his family finds him. You can see his information on Reece's Rainbow.

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