The bad and the good

There was an episode of the television show M*A*S*H* that I remember watching as a child which keeps coming back to me. In the episode, scenes would change between the experiences of the army hospital in a war zone and images of what people were doing back in the United States while all of this was going on. One scene, where people were dressed in fancy clothes, dancing at a big party particularly sticks with me. As I child I remember being disappointed that it wasn't one of the funny episodes, but I don't remember much of the funny episodes and do remember this one.

I know why it keeps popping into my mind right now. I'm sure we all have been feeling more than a little off since the news of the tragedy broke yesterday morning. I keep going to that 'what if' place and try to imagine what the families must be experiencing, but then pull back and purposefully think about something else when the stomach churning reaches too great a level. On some level it just doesn't feel right to enjoy anything at the moment because I know there are people out there experiencing grief unimaginable. Even my normal gorging on Christmas music has been curtailed somewhat as I play our one Advent CD with verses from Isaiah set to music, over and over and over. This is what speaks to my soul right now because Isaiah expresses so wonderfully the longing for the world to be made right.

And yet the other thing I have been thinking about is that this reinforces that fact that we just don't know what our future holds. We have no idea how long we have with any of our loved ones. There are no guarantees. I have been much more purposeful about appreciating my family. Because you just don't know. I even came very close in the grocery store yesterday to reminding a mother who was feeling a little out of patience with her child of that very fact. (By the time I got to the next aisle where they were, they had already moved on. I'm not sure that is a good thing or not.)

So even though my heart was heavy, I made a special vow that because we just don't know what the future holds that I would go ahead and enjoy the comedy that B. was in last night. And I did. It was a very funny show and everyone in the cast did a magnificent job. Especially my son. Boy, am I proud of him. Everything about his performance was wonderful, and I don't think it's just because I am a biased parent. He was just that good.

He was so good that I really with everyone could see the show, because I want to show off my boy. And you'd really enjoy it. It's good to have a good laugh, especially when it seems there is nothing left in the world to laugh about. Please, if you are in the area, do yourself a favor and go and see it. There's one show tonight and another tomorrow afternoon. You'll be glad you did.

I'm not sure how much I will be able to write in the next week. A lot depends on how the Christmas gift making goes. I don't think I have reason to panic, but I do need to be very careful about my time. So if you don't see regular posts from me, things are still fine here, I'm just spending quantity time with my sewing machine.


Lucy said…
I wrapped presents for my kids last night, it was the saddest I've ever felt wrapping presents. I sorrow not just for those families with their immediate, great tragic loss, but the future implications of this horror for my children, and the freedoms they, we all, will lose in its' name.

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